Everything Goes Black

Chapter 1: Red

Yelling. That's what my father is doing right now. I passed out before I could do my chores the night before and there were beer bottles all over the living room.

He starts to throw punching at me and all I do was try to protect myself my each hit. Worthless, whore, disgusting, piece of crap. His words ring in my ears and make even more tears drop from my face. Why can't he just love me? Why does he have to hate me?

I cry out as he starts to whip me with his belt creating more welts and bruises on my body. I can feel blood wet my skin and soon I feel his hands on my body. I try to squirm free but he soon has his hands in my pants.

Lust. I know what he wants. He wants to use me like he always does. Please just stop! I'm sorry father I'm sorry!

Soon our clothes are on the floor. Exposed. My frail, bruised body and bloody wounds are exposed. I look at my father with begging, fearful eyes. Please don't. Please just stop hurting me.

I let my mind wander as it starts. Pain. It hurts so much. I just want to die, it hurts so much. I try not to cry out or scream. I hear my own moans of pain and feel sick as my father grunts, pants, and moans.

My body tenses up in response to the rape and even move with the motions. It reacts like I'm enjoying this action. But I don't. I can't find pleasure in it. He doesn't love me. I can endure it if it's with love. I just want my father's love!

I stare at the ceiling allowing myself to fall in and out of consciousness as my father has his way. Punishment. This was just my punishment. I hear him moan lowly and my vision goes white.

I wake up unaware that I had even passed out. I sit up feeling so filthy but get up to get a quick shower. I have an hour to wash away the feeling of my father's hands, clean the living room, and get ready for school.

I get into the shower and watch the water run. Red. My red blood runs down my skin and into the drain. It's so mesmerizing. Like when I was younger and I loved shiny things because of my ADHD. I can't help but watch it. The blood leaves my body makes me weaken even more. It makes me want to cut again.

But I have to see Hikaru today. I have to stay sane... but all the abuse. It's messing with my head! I believe every word my father says about me. I try not to but every other guy I tried to date just wanted me in bed and I let them use me. He's right! I am a whore!

Yet Hikaru hasn't once asked for sex from me and we've been dating for a year now. I ask him about it from time to time and he merely says, "I'm not ready to go that next step just yet. When it happens, I want it to be a beautiful moment. Full of love and want. Not lust and desire."

Thinking about him makes me smile. I have to see him. The light of my world. I clean myself of my father's sin and get dressed. I wonder if I look like a whore in these tight clothes. I can't help it but still. Does it turn men on that much?

I go downstairs and quickly pick my the beer bottles and take out the trash so father doesn't get mad again. I feel my weak body tremble from the pain of my wounds internal, external, and emotional. I have to get away from here.

I grab bag and limp towards school. I hope I don't start bleeding down there. Then everyone would call me a whore and that I'm cheating on Hikaru. What would Hikaru do? I quiver at that thought. I don't want to lose him.

"Ayato!" that sweet voice. The voice I love to hear. I turn and I see the love of my life hurrying over to me. My heart beat picks up as I see him.

Longish soft black hair that falls perfectly against a handsome face. Tall muscular. He is perfect. He deserves better than me. But as his lovely violet eyes lock with mine, I can see nothing but love.

He places a hand on my cheek. So warm. Then everything spins around me as our lips lock in a passionate kiss. I feel all my stress melt away. He pushes me close to his chest and I close my eyes. I love him so much.

He breaks the kiss and looks into my eyes. I tell him I love him. He smiles. "I love you more than you can understand Ayato." I feel tears fall down my face. "Don't cry my love."

I can't help it. He holds me close as I cry my troubles away. He was so warm, so loving, so... perfect. I suddenly want him to take me away from my harsh life. Thinking about it makes me break into a sob.

He doesn't feel disgusted with my out burst. He stays with me and let me stay in my arms. "I love you Ayato. I will always be with you. I'll never leave your side."