Walking Travesty

You Shot This Family A World Of Pain

"Aren't you going to go as well? You did say that Clara and I needed to be alone", Dad threatened Brad but he just smiled. "I'm not going anywhere". I turned around slowly in Brads arms so I was once again looking at the person who claimed to be my father. He didn't look the same. It was like he was different. His beard was unshaved and his hair was a bit greasy. It was like he hadn't showered for days. "Is this what you've been doing while I was gone Clara? Because if it is I'm very disappointed in you". "You shouldn't date guys like him", he then added and glared at Brad. Was he trying to lecture me? No way in hell. "Is this you trying to act like how a father would? Because if it is, you're failing", I muttered intertwining my fingers with Brads that was resting on my stomach. "I'm just trying to protect you Clara. He's not exactly an ideal boyfriend". Brad huffed pressing his hand further into my stomach tightening his grip. "Jacob go upstairs", I ordered him to. He was just standing in-between dad and I, not really knowing where to go. "No I want to stay here". He was pleading but I couldn't let him stay here. This was between my father and I. "Brad?". Please say he knows what I'm trying to say. "Jacob shall I beat you at Mario cart again?", he asked pointing to the stairs. Jacob thought about it before slowly nodding his head. "I'll race you up?". Jacob smile went wide as he started running up the stairs with Brad following closely behind. "So how are you doing in school?", dad asked nervously sitting down on the couch crossing his leg over the other. "How I'm doing in school? For fucks sake dad, you left us for a week and when you then come back that is all you want to talk about?", I half yelled. Not 'how's Jacob' or even explaining where the hell he went. "I told you I had a business trip". "Yea that's totally why you left. That's why you smell like alcohol and look like a fucking homeless person". He looked taken aback from my words. "Why are you suddenly swearing so much? Is that Brads fault? What happened to that guy Aaron?". "DAD SHUT THE FUCK UP! I swear, because that's the only way to get my anger out! You fucking left me and not to talk about Jacob! You have no right to tell me what to do anymore, you lost that right long ago when you decided that you didn't care anymore. I know you're hurting because of mom but don't you think I am too? Don't you think I feel exactly like you because I do! But I'm not like you. I don't spend my time drinking it away feeling sorry for myself", I yelled as loud as I could not being able to hold my tears back. He didn't know how much it hurt. With your mom having cancer and probably not surviving and your dad leaving you because he couldn't give two damns about you or your life. Dad went silent, I don't think he actually knew what to say. He knew everything I just said was the truth, he just didn't want to admit it. And that was the whole problem. He was just sitting there looking at his daughter who was actually crying and he has no emotion in his eyes. It's like he doesn't know how to feel anymore. He's not capable of taking care of others or their feelings. All he cares about is himself. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I knew for a fact that it was Brad. He had probably heard me yell. "You know, I used to love you. I wanted to work everything out. I wanted by dad back", I said in one breath as Brad came up behind me probably trying to figure out what was going on. "But not anymore. I'm tired of trying to fix something I now know can't be fixed. We can't be fixed. I guess we were just destined to be broken", I whispered closing my eyes because of the pain I felt in my head and heart. When I opened them, dad was tearing up and I walked to the door slowly opening it before walking out closing the door behind me.

-

"Clara where are you going?", a voice asked behind me gripping my hand tightly in theirs. "I don't know. I don't know what to do", I said frustrated but kept on moving my feet. "Clara stop walking. Please". I sighed before stopping dead in my tracks. I turned around slowly and looked into Brads chocolaty brown eyes before he turned around leading me to his car. He opened the car door for me and closed it as I sat down. I didn't even question where we were going. I didn't care at the moment.  If this was what if felt like to loose both of your parents, I will never wish for this to happen to anyone else. They may not be dead but it was like they didn't exist anymore. They weren't real. "Aren't you gonna ask where we're going?". I slowly shook my head and he sighed before resting his one hand on my thigh. Even though I tensed up at his touch I didn't say anything. Right now it didn't matter. I just really wanted to get away to somewhere where I could think. Where I could sit down and think everything through. I would do anything to get my mind off of this. Off of the world. The ride to god knows where was long and extremely silent. I didn't mind though. I liked silence. It filled the empty spaces and allowed me to think. "Clara? You coming?". I looked to my side and found us parked at Brads house. I hadn't even noticed him going out of the car or him opening the door for me once again. I just nodded and stepped out feeling my legs weaken. I followed him to the entrance with shaking legs and he opened the door for me stepping inside. It was clean and white as usual. I took off my shoes placing them as quietly as I could down on the floor and he took my hand leading me to the living room. "My parents aren't home", he explained and I just nodded. He placed me in the middle of the couch and sat himself down next to me and snaked his arm around my shoulder. "It's going to be okay Clara. I promise". His voice was husky and low and I knew he was being careful. He was waiting for me to start a sob fest. I felt nothing. No sadness, no anger, no nothing. I was numb. "Please say something. You always have something to say". I looked at him as he was starting to panic. "I just want to forget it". His eyes widened as I said those words. Was it so hard to believe? "Clara you just had a big fight with you dad. That's not something you can just forget". I groaned before sitting myself on top of him straddling his waist with my legs. "What if I just want to forget it huh? I can at least try", I whispered trying to be seductive. I don't think it worked since I haven't done this before. I just needed to forget it. forget everything that has ever hurt me. And I heard that this was the only way. "What are you doing?", he asked confused as why I was suddenly on his lap. "Forgetting", I whispered before crashing my lips into his not giving him a chance to respond. He didn't have it. "Please Brad". I heard him sigh before kissing back but at a slow pace. It wasn't enough. I kissed him harder but he still didn't have it. Then I thought of a way to get him to respond. I was so nervous about this but it was the only way. I reached for the hem of my shirt and before he got to stop me it was now on the floor. "Why the hell are you doing this?", He groaned. He couldn't stop himself from looking down my body. "I said. I don't want to talk about my dad or anyone else". I knew that in that moment I had him. He released a weird noise coming from deep in his throat before moving his hands up and down my body hungrily. It was a weird and strange feeling but it made me feel hot all over. I wanted to get all the anger out of my system so I started to tug on Brads shirt knowing he would get what I wanted. "C-Clara no. stop". He removed his hands from my bare waist and stopped my hand from going underneath his T-shirt. "W-why?", I asked looking up at him. I didn't understand. I thought that this is what he wanted. "I can't do this". All of my confidence vanished in that second he said those 4 words. "Y-you didn't like it?". "No, wait I mean of course I liked it, but I can't do this to you. It's not right", he reached behind me and picked up my shirt handing it to me. "W-why? What's not right? I thought this was what you wanted". I looked down at my hands that was now in my lap. "Of course I want this. I want you, but not like this. You're hurt Clara. I can't use you like this. I may have been using girls before, but not you". "Please take on your shirt", he pleaded and I sighed before doing so. "Maybe I should go", I whispered carefully crawling down from his lap not wanting to fall and humiliate myself. I already felt so embarrassed. "No, please don't go. Just-", he started trying to find a reason for me to stay. "Let's watch a movie. You get to pick", he suggested. Even though I wanted to leave I realized that I couldn't. His house was 20 minutes from mine and that was by car. If I started to walk now, I would be home in about two hours, and I'm too lazy to walk. Plus, I don't even want to go home. I know dad will be here. Brad smiled knowing what I was thinking and I sighed deeply before sitting down on his lap once again resting my head on his chest. "So, what are we watching?". I smirked wanting him to suffer through this. If I was feeling bad, I wanted him to suffer with me. "A Cinderella story". "Are you for real?", he asked out of disbelief and let out a loud groan. "Yup. Come on I want to watch it". He groaned once again before slowly nodding and turned on the TV.

-

Half way through the film he fell asleep on the couch and I chuckled to myself knowing he would never be the guy to watch girly movies. He was the type to watch action movies. I slowly removed myself from him and put a blanket on him before kissing him on the forehead, and walked out of the living room. What to do now? I didn't want to wake up Brad now that he was sleeping so peacefully. I made my way upstairs and up to Brads room. When I entered my eyes widened with shock. Usually his room was nice and clean and let's just say that now it was one big mess. Shirts, underwear and shoes were laying randomly around the room along with papers, music sheets and his guitar was on his bed along with his MacBook. What the hell was he doing? Why is his room such a mess? I went to sit on the bed that was undone and moved his guitar placing it back in the corner where it normally stood. I placed his MacBook on his desk but was tempted to look at it. I looked around the room hoping he wouldn't randomly enter and start yelling at me for looking through his stuff. I opened his MacBook and it didn't even have a code. His background was a picture of him and another girl. Wait another girl? Who the hell was she? She was pretty with natural blond curly hair flowing down her back and bright blue eyes. She was smiling at him like they had known each other forever. Brad looked so happy and to be honest it made me sad. I've never seen that look on him when he was with me. I flopped down on the bed taking a deep breath. His bed smelled like his Armani cologne and him. It sucked that some other girl could make him feel that happy and not me. He clearly cared about her a lot or else he wouldn't have a picture of them as his background. Why could I never be happy? Was it really just me? My feelings were all over the place and I could no longer hold it back. I started to cry hard and loud and I begged that Brad didn't hear this. It was not pretty crying. You know, where a few tears fall down your cheeks and that's it. No this was real ugly crying. I was so sure that my face was red, my eyes bloodshot, my lips swollen and I hid my head in Brad's pillow to try and die down my crying. I didn't hear the door open, nor did I hear Brad enter. The bed dipped behind me and Brad turned me around with a scared expression on his face. He didn't ask what was wrong because he knew. I bet he was waiting for this moment to happen. The moment where my wall would finally break and crumble like the freaking Berlin wall and I would let all my feelings out. It was like my tears caused the tsunami in the movie 'impossible'. He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. It was like he was trying to steady me keeping me from crumbling into nothing. But that was the only thing I wanted to do. Break in pieces and pieces until I no longer existed. Until I was just dust who the wind would blow away into all directions leaving just an empty space behind and maybe, just maybe people would remember me, though I hardly doubt they will. I am nothing and I will always be nothing... 'Arrogant boy love yourself so no one has to, they're better off without you. They're better off without you... Arrogant boy cause a scene like you're supposed to, they'll fall asleep without you, you're lucky if your memory remains'.

A/N: Hi Guys!

Okay so let me just say this. My last update was apparently not as popular like the others. Did you not like it? If not please let me know! Remember that I really want you guys to comment on it since it helps me figuring out how good the different chapters are and what directions I should take my story. I'm always welcoming suggestions to what can happen and you do really inspire me to write!

I'm ill (again) at the moment and I had to travel to the other side of Denmark to visit some family. I couldn't really stay home alone since I'm ill so now I'm sitting in the middle of nowhere with a dog that keeps licking my face in the exact moment I'm writing this.

So now I'm going to ask you this: Do you even read my authors notes? If you don't you clearly will not see this (No shit Anna), but I want to know if you want me to stop writing authors notes? Personally I love writing as just me, asking you guys questions. I love knowing who are reading my book and what you guys interests are.

Well no matter what, I hope you liked this chapter! remember to vote, comment and DM because I LOVE YOU ALL!

- Anna xx