Walking Travesty

Forget About Me, It's What I Deserve

                   

(Last chapter guys xx) (And I'm going to put a video in this chapter so please listen to the song. It's live but I think Alex sings it so well plus the song is the reason I even wrote this book XD)

I had ditched school almost all week. Scar kept trying to contact me and one or two times James came to visit me. He was a really genuine and nice person. But let's just say that I was embarrassed every time someone opened the door to my room. I hated mess. But this time I didn't have the time, or the inclination to clean. It was like every time I tried, the cleaning was sucking all the energy out of my body and I had to go to bed again. I was still ill; it just didn't seem to go away. I didn't only feel ill on the outside but also on the inside. On Tuesday I got forced out grocery shopping by my dad. The cashier flirted with me and I felt nothing. No blushing, my knees didn't go weak and I didn't even stutter when I turned him down. It was awful feeling like this. My playlist went from party songs to ballads and even classical music. It was the only thing making me feel something. And that feeling was heartbreak. I hated feeling like this. Normally I wasn't weak. I needed to be strong for Jacob. I needed to show Brad that he couldn't just go around and play with everyone's feelings and then just move on to the next person. So today I'm planning on going to school. We need to hand in our assignments. There was just one thing. Yes, I could have written how big of an asshole Brad was but I didn't. That wasn't the guy I got to know. He may act like an asshole but he does have a sweet side.

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"You want me to pick you up from school?", dad asked as he placed a mug in front of me filled with hot chocolate. "No it's fine. I'll just walk". Then I could get a bit of music therapy before I'm going straight to hell. "Okay. I'm probably working late so I left some money on the counter". Of course. He was still a workaholic. I drowned the hot chocolate and tore up the door. The cold air hit me in the face just as I exited the house. Today was a cloudy and stormy day. I plugged in my Ear Pods and started my way to school. Today it felt longer than usual. Probably because I wasn't really walking at my normal pace but a slow 'I would rather stay home in bed watching Netflix' pace. As it was now I would prefer everything from school. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I didn't want to pretend that I was okay, but I had to. I needed to be strong. Even though I felt like crumbling into a ball and cry on the inside. I reached the school, and since I was already pretty late I took my time. Even my outfit was boring. Black jeans, an oversized jumper, my hair was straightened and hang loose. I was wearing my vans and only wore mascara. I didn't even want to make an effort. Why even try when there's no one to impress? I sighed before pushing the doors open to the school and made my way to English that started 15 minutes ago. Before going in I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. After 2 minutes of just standing outside the door I finally go the courage to open the door. I hurried down to my seat avoiding any eye contact with him and her for that matter and sat down. Mr Dawson didn't even ask me why he was late. He only gave me a reassuring smile and returned to explaining something. I half hid my head in my books trying to be as invisible as possible. "Okay kids, this is the last day to write that assignment. Get together with your partner one last time before handing in the papers". I groaned and as Brad started his short walk to my desk I stood up and walked right past him up to Mr Dawson's desk. "Are you okay Clara? You haven't been at school the last couple of days. Plus you look really ill". I shook my head and handed him my assignment about Brad. "are you already done?", he asked and raised an eyebrow. I nodded. "great! But still, talk to Brad. I don't think he's done yet. You need to help him remember?". I looked at the floor in disappointment. I slowly made my way back to where Brad was now sitting. I sat down in front of him with my head low. "Why did you talk to Mr. Dawson?", was the first thing he asked. Was that really the only thing he was going to say? "I'm d-done with my a-assignment", I stuttered out. I started to nervously play with my hair and I heard a sigh coming from Brad. "You thought you were going to avoid talking to me if you were done am I right?". I nodded and he stood up in an instant. He took my hand and started to drag me out of the room. I tried to get out of his grip but he was too strong. When we were in the hall he dragged me all the way to the janitors closet. Really? A closet? How original. "For fucks sake Clara talk to me", he groaned as he locked the door behind him pushing me lightly up against the wall. It was kind of scaring me to be honest. "I-I c-can't". It was only a whisper and I avoided all eye contact. "Why? Why can't you talk to me?". I didn't get why he was so angry? He was the one who ruined our relationship, not me. I needed to get the few days anger out of me. And that was right now. "Because every time you touch me and every time I hear your voice, or even see your face I imagine you with that slut", I yelled so loud in his face that he had to take a step back to somehow support himself. "how can you be angry at me for not talking huh? You were the one who ruined this not me! If you tried to fucking keep it in your pants we wouldn't be in this position!". I kept on yelling and he just stood there with wide eyes. Yes I've never yelled so much in my life. It only made me feel worse since I reminded myself why we broke up but I just needed to do it. "I was the fool here Brad. I should be hurt not you. I actually thought I meant something to you but I guess everyone was right about you. You go from girl to girl because apparently you can't control yourself or something I don't know! But I'm not one of your sluts. I don't give a fuck about your image and I'm sure as hell not going to get hurt by you again". Somewhere in the middle of my rant, my yelling turned into crying. I didn't know what to feel. Should I go for the door or sink down on the floor? "You weren't one of my sluts Clara. Why would you think that?", he asked calmly taking a step forward. I wanted to back away but I was still leaning up against the wall. I couldn't come any further away from him in this little space. "Because you used me. If you didn't you wouldn't kiss another girl when you had a girlfriend. And don't you think I didn't hear you when you said that you would never love me? Ever since out trip to your sisters house I've been thinking about what you said to her". I chose sliding down and the floor and hid my head in my hands. "You heard our conversation?". He sounded nervous out of sudden. "Of course I did! The walls were like freaking paper". "I know you're one of those bad guys who claim that love sucks but how was I supposed to be with you if it would never go anywhere?". My questions silenced him. "You hurt me more than anything Brad. I'm sorry but I just can't", I stood up and his eyes burned into mine. He didn't say anything. I quickly unlocked the door and speed walked out until the janitors closet was no longer in sight. I decided that school could wait and ran all the way home. I was so out of breath when I got home that I had to rest my hands on my knees to try and calm down my breathing. I guess I just had to stay home tonight just like all of the other days. I wasn't really making any progress.