33 days left, and it'll all be over. Our privacy of course.
It's 5 in the afternoon and I'm cutting up a bunch of fruit so James and I can eat it on the beach. He says it's gonna be our new tradition for the last few weekends.
He said that most families pass on traditions from generations to generations and that we should start something to pass down to our kids.
I never had many traditions growing up.. I felt so out of place when I was younger around the Reynolds family.
They've always respected me, and treated me very nicely but it's much more different if it would've been with my own family.
When I have kids I will never mistreat them, I will treat them with the same love my mother gave me, and I will pray all the time to god that he never takes me away from them like he took my mother from me.
James will obviously be a much better father than mine ever was.
I groan in frustration and shake my head. I don't need these thoughts in my head.
"You okay, baby?" James asks me, as he walks by with a few towels in his hands and some water bottles.
"I'm fine," I give him a fake smile.
"Okay." He pecks my lips. "I'm gonna be out by the pool, we'll go to the beach from there." He says before planting one last kiss on my lips.
I love him so much and it hurts terribly to have to fake my whole life to him.
He must have things he doesn't tell me too. He must be afraid that I'll judge him, of course he is afraid to tell me.. He thinks I grew up with the perfect life..
I continue cutting the fruit and smile at my bracelet.
"Blood makes you related, but love makes you family."
I miss Laurie. There have gone days where I try and go without thinking about her.
They make me feel worse later on.
What has me feeling like complete shit.. Is the fact that I'm completely in love with the man who was supposed to be hers.
She was supposed to be the one that was going to find out that he hates tomatoes.
That he loves floating in the water.
That he has the kindest heart even though his father tried to make him mean and cold.
She was supposed to be cutting up the fruit for them to eat on this beautiful vacation, but.. Here I am.
They made me take her place like if it were no big deal.
I also think about James, how would he feel if he would have met her?
Would he have fallen in love with her too? Or is that just me that he loves?
It's all too much and it's driving me slowly insane.
I decide to get creative with the fruit and make small bowls from the bigger fruits to fill with the cut up pieces.
I go outside and see James sitting by the edge of the pool with his legs hanging in the water.
I sit down next to him, bringing the fruit with me of course.
"I had the strangest feeling last night." James randomly says as he picks up a piece of strawberry and puts it in his mouth.
"Was I that bad?" I giggle.
"No, you.. It was perfect." He eats another piece. "I don't know, I just- I already know that I love you.. But every moment.. Sexual or not, just makes me fall even more for you. For example, whenever you laugh at my jokes, even when I know they aren't funny.. My head goes crazy with images of your laugh. It's pretty wild." He bites more strawberries.
