Something Else Entirely

Chapter 8: My Heart Barely Works

August 23, 2012

Riding in Jasper's car on the way to our house feels sort of wrong. It's like I'm indirectly encouraging him to pursue Mitzi. But since he goes over to our house almost every day after school anyway, it makes sense to catch a ride with him.

Last week, I bought Mitzi noise-cancelling headphones. I don't mind her coming to my room in the middle of the night when there's a thunderstorm. But I don't like the thought of her crying. Also, since I'll be going to Troy in a couple of months, I needed to find a way for her to be able to get through a thunderstorm without me. It hasn't rained since I've bought the headphones so I still don't know the effectivity of it.

We pull up into the driveway and within a matter of minutes, Jasper is driving off again to get some cupcakes. I feel sorry for the guy but you can't say I don't try to warn him. I do, almost every day on the car ride home. But he'll always insist that it makes him happy to make Mitzi happy. Who am I to deny two people of their happiness?

I walk up to my room and, out of force of habit, check my phone for any messages from Sunday. Then I sigh as I remember that we've been broken up for over a week now. Yes, we broke up. Again.

Turns out she thought she could convince me into going to college in Cebrene so I could be with her while she goes after her dream job. In other words, she wanted me to make a sacrifice for her when she herself wasn't willing to sacrifice for me. She could have waited four years, get some work experience here in Brauron while I finish college in Troy. Then maybe I would have actually considered moving to Cebrene with her.

“You haven't even seen the universities in Cebrene!” Sunday yelled at me. She was getting frustrated, but so was I.

“You've never bothered to look at your options. What, are you scared you'll actually find something better than Troy?” she taunted me. “You are, aren't you? You don't want to look, because you're scared of what you'll find. You're scared 'cause you know that even if you found something better, something that you actually chose for yourself, you wouldn't be able to stand up to your parents!”

“From the start, you've known that I'd be going to Troy,” I said, trying to keep calm. I wanted to yell, but I knew that if I did, I'd just be adding fuel to the fire. “I thought you would have accepted that by now.”

“I thought you would have grown a spine by now.”

I wince at the memory of her words. Sunday always gets like that when she's angry. I've always passed it off as just her emotions getting the best of her. But now I'm thinking that maybe she was saying what she actually believed. I thought she understood me. I think anybody who's been with someone for as long as I've been with Sunday would think that the person they were with actually understood them. So it's painful when I think that maybe Sunday never actually understood me.

Sitting in front of my computer, I start deleting our pictures. It's pretty clear to me that a reconciliation won't be happening again. The thought kind of relieves me. And I can't understand why because, going through our pictures, we looked happy together.

I run a hand through my hair as I try to rack my brain for a reason to keep the pictures. Then I get distracted by a beep from my phone. My heart starts beating just a little bit faster. But when I pick up my phone, I see that the message is from Ivan.

“Log into Facebook. Now,” the message reads. I think about replying and asking why, but decide against it. I'm on my computer anyway.

As soon as I get logged in, I realize why Ivan made me do so. Sunday has changed her relationship status. I kind of just stare at the screen for a few moments. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Our break-up wasn't as amicable as the first time. We haven't communicated since the fight. I search her name just to know if she has unfriended me or blocked me. She hasn't. Satisfied with that information, I go back to my profile and change my relationship status to single.