bad to the bone (Undertale sans x reader)

bad jokes and blackmail

 "What do you mean crying!?" Papyrus screams from the other side of the cell phone. 

Sans sighs and facepalms, you walking out of the shower, completely clueless to the phone call. 

"I left early because y/n had some pretty bad nightmares, and she was crying. I had to be there for her bro, you understand." Sans says in a low voice. 

Papyrus sighs over the phone. 

"Yes i understand. Is she alright now though?" 

Sans glances at you, you were looking down and drying your hair. 

 "Better." He sighs. 

 "Alright. Just...hang out with her or something. I've got to go, Mettaton won't shut up. Goodbye." He says, hanging up.

Sans sighs and puts the phone in his pocket, sitting on the bed beside you. 

You got up and closed your door, hanging your bathtowel on the back rack. 

  "Okay Sansy, let's start with some jokes." You sigh. 

He pulls out an old penny and looks at you. 

  "Tails." You grin. 

He flips it and it goes to tails. 

"You first darling dearest." He chuckles.

 "Okay...Why didn't the toilet paper get across the road?" You smile, criss-crossed sitting in front of Sans on your bed. 

 "Why?" Sans asks, smiling wide. 

 "Because it got stuck in a crack!" You giggle. 

He covers his mouth and laughs, eventually snorting like always. 

 "Okay i got one. How many tickles did it take to make the octopus laugh?" He grins. 

You look up and think. 

  "I got nothing. How many?' You smile.

 "TEN-TICKLES!!" He grins, tickling your sides, you squirming and roaring with laughter. 

 "Sans stop!! Nooo! You cannot defeat me!" You yell in a fit of giggles. 

Sans chuckles and continues. 

  "Wait Sans i got another one!" You smile. 

He stops and nods.

  "What do you call a type of bee that produces milk?" You grin. 

He stares at you, clueless. 

  "Boo-bees." You smirk, biting your lip. 

You both roar with laughter, falling off the bed. Mettaton slams open the door with the biggest smile on his face. 

 "Hey Y/N, i've got one." Sans smirks, bumping your shoulder, gesturing to Mettaton. 

 "Why can't ghosts have babies?" He smiles. 

 "Why?" You grin, stifiling a laugh. 

 "Cause they have a hallo-weenie." He snorts. 

You crack up and Mettaton facepalms walking out. You two just continue to laugh, ignoring everything. 

 "Why does snoop dog use an umbrella?" You smile. 

 "Fo drizzle." You and sans say at the same time, making it funnier. 

You wipe your tears of laughter. 

 "How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?" You say, covering your mouth. 

Sans shakes his head. 

 "You follow the fresh prince." You snort.  (fresh prints for those of you who don't get it) 

He chokes and laughs even harder. You laugh along, laying your head in his lap. 

He looks down at you and grins. 

 "Okay, how did the hipster burn his tongue?" Sans smiles. 

 "How?" You smile. 

 "He drank the cofee before it was cool." He grins. 

You laugh, then coming up with another joke.

 "What kind of tea is hard to swallow?" 

He shrugs. 

 "Reality." (real-al-i-tea) 

He nods, chuckling. 

 "True." 

You giggle and pull lightly on the hoodie strings on his jacket. He smiles softly, looking down at you. 

 "Sans? What do you call it when Batman skips church?" You smile. 

 "What?" He smiles.

 "Christian Bale." You smile. (you get that hopefully ;-;) 

He laughs, shaking his head. 

 "Get off nerd." He chuckles, picking you up off his lap. 

You smile and sit on the bed beside him, laying your head on his shoudler. 

 "My chest hurts from laughing too much." You smile. 

 "Sorry." He smiles. 

You giggle. 

 "Its okay. But you realize how many readers aren't going to get these jokes right? They probably hate us now." You smile softly, closing your eyes. 

 "Who cares?" Sans smiles, holding your hand and laying his head on yours. 

You smile again, blushing slightly. You let eachothers warmth calm you down, your heats beating as one. 

 "SANS?!?!?!" You hear a familiar voice scream. 

Papyrus kicks open the door, seeing you. 

 "Hey Papyr-"

 "CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?!" He says tossing a bunch of papers at you two. 

You pick one up, examing it. It was a picture of you and Sans sleeping together. You and Sans's cheeks glow. 

 "Where did you-"

 "Mettaton's selling them. I had to buy the remaining so nobody else could humiliate you." He facepalms.

 "Mettaton's gonna have a bad time." Sans groans, laying back. 

 "Sans please don't." You frown, remembering the dream from last night. 

He looks at you and hugs you sighing. 

 "Yeah, okay. Come on, let's go get those remaining pictures." Sans says, getting up.

 "Why? They're cute." You smile. 

 "Y/N, they're pictures of us, you realize what people could do? The chapters title is Blackmail, what do you think is going to happen?" He asks.

 "Just leave it." You shake your head.

Sans sighs and sits back down. 

 "Fine by me." 

 "WHAT?! I bought all those photos for nothing?!" Papyrus facepalms. 

 "Now you sell them and get all your money back." You say in a 'duh' toned kind of voice. 

 "Good idea!" Papyrus smiles, picking up the photos and walking out the door. 

 "You two have fun, but not too much fun!" Papyrus yells. 

 "Can do!" You wave. 

(Sorry it's short, it's too early in the morning and i have a friggin essay to do tomorrow morning. Hope you liked the jokes and didn't want to kill yourself. thats bad. ily all bye bye!)