crushing

Chapter 16

Brian seemed less paranoid now that we saw Duncan, he was in rough shape and his face was stitched, ugh it was just a bloody mess. And to think that Tracey never showed up was unreal. I knew she wasn't good for him.

By the time the pain killers put him to sleep, Brian never left. He seemed so focused on Duncan it made me question their relationship, seriously... He had that dumb love look in his eyes and you could tell something was up.

I sat on one of the chairs and yawned, "hey so when are we leaving, we've been here for five hours."

Brian looked up, combing his hair with his fingers. He had bags under his eyes and he seemed pretty stressed.
"Oh sorry, I don't know. I just want to make sure he's okay." He said.
He slouched and fidgeted with his fingers.
"We should let him rest. They said he wouldn't be out for a couple weeks maybe even a month." I said and crossed my legs.
He nodded, "When do you start your chemo again?"
I shrugged. Dr. Reeds hasn't told me when my new round starts so I wasn't sure at all. I wasn't sure what to think.
"Not sure but I'll let you know. Come on." I said and motioned him to follow.
He looked down and folded his bottom lip under. He sat up and already left the doors.
Once I drove him home, I went inside my home, up to my room and just sat in my bed. Duncan woke up from his coma. That was good. That sick uneasy feeling lingered though. I had so much school ahead of me. And I bet Bailey and the others felt left out, I felt awful for it. It's all happening to much and to soon. I sighed. I got scans of my tumors on my hip yesterday and they haven't come back yet. I wasn't as sore as yesterday but the pain is still there.
I laid down on top of my sheets. I closed my eyes. I was getting stressed, caught up in everything. The problem is, I get caught up in all these things and I try to solve them. Although it's imposible. I felt nauseous. The chemo was coursing through my body. A pounding headache spread across my forehead. I inhaled sharply. I breathed silently. Focusing on the sounds outside. The soft, sweet singing of birds. Or how the leaves were clapping on the trees. I listened to the whistling of the breeze as it danced through the air. I just lived in the moment. Blocking out thoughts and just focusing on sounds. I smelled the sweet pumpkin candles my mom lit in the hallway. The smell of smoke trailed behind. I also smelled something sugary, maybe it was my cotton candy perfume. Then something sour, I could taste it. It was a candy. Dr. Reeds told me to simply live in the moment to pass the time. My muscles loosened. I slowly opened my eyes and sat up. The green walls of my room were bright. It made me sad. That I might go onto the next world. That I might not even be here, to live in the moment. I would be leaving my family, friends, everything. Everything I worked hard would be gone. I didn't want to go. I don't want to go. I felt myself getting choked up. It's hard, knowing your days are limited.
It's good to know we're trying everything to slow it down. So I can be here sooner.
I heard a soft knock at my door. I saw my little brother Alex standing in the doorway. I pulled my beanie down more.
"Your quiet. Mom sent me to check on you." He said.
He leaned on the framing.
"I'm fine." I muttered.
I hoped off my bed and walked over to my dresser.
"How's Duncan?" He asked.
My stomach dropped.
"He-he's awake now." I said and gulped.
"Ok. " He said and left.
So annoying.
It bothers me, everyone is asking how is he, how are you? Can they mind their own buisness? I huffed loudly. These bandages where the needle was were itching me. I just wanted to rip them off. But I chose not to.
As I organized the things on my dresser I heard the soft muttering of my parents downstairs.
"The scans say the tumors are spreading. I don't know what we can do." I heard my mom wimper.
"The chemo has to kick in eventually. That's what to doctors said. They're doing everything to slow it down." My dad hushed.
"It isn't working! If it were the tumors would be shrinking not growing." My mom hissed.
"Calm down," said my dad.
"How can I be calm when my little girl is dying? I thought I would have my baby forever." My mom croaked.
"Sshhhh. I know, we just need to wait. It's all we can do now." Said my dad.
"Who knows how much time she has left. What will we do? I'm never going to see her graduate college."
"Your being over dramatic. We'll have Aspen for a long time. She's a strong kid."
"Yeah." I heard my mom blow her nose.
"Just make the most of every moment." My dad said.
I know I shouldn't be ease dropping, I wish I didn't hear that. The fact that the tumors are growing, and spreading made that awful feeling worse. It made me hate my body, why couldn't I not get cancer. I wish the doctors could whip up an Elixir to cure it, be gone. Nope. This is reality and reality sucks.
I'm tired of chemo. I don't want more. But I want to be here. I...
I laid in my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. I wanted this to be over. The doctors telling me I'm Cancer free. To go home without all these pills, machines and needles inside me. This constant pain.
I closed my eyes and slept.

"Aspen!" Yelled a voice.
I frantically looked around. It was like my heart beating out of my chest.
I was in a hallway, with red wine colored carpeting. There were flowed everywhere and white ribbons hung all aground the walls. I looked through a door and saw people leaning over something. I peeked through and saw my family, all surrounded. I couldn't see. I walked into the room and peered over the shoulder, still couldn't see. I walked past them to the edge of a casket.
My family was all murmuring, I felt nervous. Who's coffin was this? I lifted up the door and saw myself, pale, eyes closed, dead. With flowers in my hand. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I was staring at myself, in a coffin. Oh god, this is my funeral isn't it?
The me in the casket's eyes shot open and she was staring right at me. Her expression was jaded.
"You can't change your faith Aspen, the clocks ticking." She said and made a ticking noise with her tounge.
"This can't be real." I muttered plugging my ears.
"It will be. I'm you, and your me. We share the same fate in different notches of time. We're stuck here." She said, "forever."

I woke up, sweaty beaming on my forehead. It was night. My mom must have put me in my pajamas and put me to bed.
I gulped hard. I don't have much time left...

_______________________________________

Sorry I waited so long :p, I regret nothing - Author