Looks That Kill (Nikki Sixx FanFic)

Here Goes Nothin'

Living with Nikki was great. The Crüe visited often, meaning the house was rarely empty, and Nikki made love to me every night-save for the nights when he had a gig or an award show to attend. On top of that, Nikki gave me total control over our home decor, and I was allowed to let my imagination run wild with curtains, couches, vases, and various knick-knacks.

Still, there was always a nagging in the back of my mind. A tiny voice that told me something was missing. And that something was Bret.

Not Bret as a lover. Nikki was everything I could have ever hoped for and more. But what troubled me was how Bret and I had parted ways on such bad terms. Nikki told me that it wasn't a big deal and that I should just let it go, but my heart said otherwise. I had to do something. I needed to know that Bret was okay.

And that was why I was sitting indecisively by the phone when Nikki and Tommy stepped into the kitchen, laughing maniacally over some sex joke Tommy had made in the living room. Their chuckles died down when they saw me.

"Hey, Winnie. How are you doing?" Tommy asked, walking passed me and opening the fridge. That man was like a vacuum, and I was amazed at how much food he could devour without gaining a single pound. In that sense, he was like me, but somehow even more insatiable.

"I'm fine. You?" My voice was detached, and my eyes were still fixed on the phone.

"Hungry," he commented. "Good thing you guys stocked the fridge!"

"Not for you!" Nikki chortled, but made no move to stop Tommy from raiding our fridge.

That was about the time that Nikki finally seemed to realize that I was acting strangely. I felt him approach me, his chest compressing against my back as he wrapped his arms around me in a hug. He placed his chin on my shoulder and his hot breath tickled my ear.

"Expecting a call?" He inquired, kissing my neck. I fought the urge to moan.

"Expecting to make a call," I corrected him.

"To who?" He pressed, his hands beginning to slide their way up my shirt and along my body. To my disappointment, they stopped just at my ribs where he rubbed the smooth skin that lay just below my bra.

"Bret, maybe," I commented flatly.

I felt his body tense up at the mention of Bret, the move causing me to wonder how Nikki could possibly be affected by me wanting to call Bret. Nikki was the love of my life, the apple of my eye...surely he knew that he had nothing to worry about.

"Why?" His voice shook slightly.

"I just want to make sure he's okay..."

"He is okay!" Nikki boomed, pulling away from me.

I finally turned to face him, shocked at his sudden change in attitude. Even Tommy looked up at him, a mixture of disbelief and confusion flashing across his face. He closed the refrigerator door softly.

"You don't know that," I pointed out. "He was really angry the last time I saw him. I want to make sure he's getting better."

Nikki shook his head. "I can't believe this. I knew this would happen. I knew it."

"Knew what would happen?" I demanded, my eye brows knitting together.

"That you'd go crawling back to Bret because you hurt his feelings. Am I not good enough? What am I doing wrong?" Nikki was practically shouting now.

I gaped up at him, completely blown away by his sudden outburst. Why was he being like this? Never had I once said I wanted to be with Bret again. I just wanted to make sure he hadn't done something stupid, especially after just getting out of the hospital.

"Nothing! You haven't done anything!" I assured him. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he stepped back just before I could reach him.

"Then what's so important about Bret? Huh?" Nikki asked, his voice finally returning to normal.

I could see the fear in his eyes. From the fear of losing me, I could only assume, but it was a silly thing to be afraid of. I needed to make sure he understood that.

"Nikki, I love you," I said softly. "But Bret loved me, and I need to make sure that he's safe. Do you know how broken I was when you left me?"

He frowned, and I knew that I had hit home with him. There was a moment of silence, and I noticed Tommy glancing between the two of us. His face told me that he felt extremely uncomfortable, and I couldn't blame him. After an awkward amount of silence amongst us all, Nikki finally spoke.

"I do. Cuz it's how I felt too."

Tenderly, he stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. One that crushed me to his chest and made me breathless. His fingers trailed through my hair in a comforting motion.

"I'm sorry, Win. I just don't want to lose you again," his voice was gravelly and low as he whispered to me, probably trying to make sure Tommy couldn't hear.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, nuzzling deeper into his chest, enjoying the scent of cologne and hair product that resided there. "You won't. I promise."

"I love you," he whispered, burying his face into my hair.

"I love you too."

As we pulled apart, I grinned up at him. He forced a smile back, but I knew he was still a little uneasy. I figured it would be best for all of us if I compromised.

"How about I call CC?" I suggested. "That way, I can just ask him about Bret."

The frown returned to Nikki's face and he shrugged. "I'm just being a dick, Winter. You don't have to do that. You can call Bret if you really feel like you have to."

"No, it's okay," I reassured him. "I miss CC anyway. I wanna' make sure he's okay too."

It took a moment, but Nikki finally flashed a smirk back up at me. He liked this answer and probably preferred it over the other option of actually calling Bret himself. And, I realized that I liked it too.

Not only did it mean that I wouldn't have to sit awkwardly on the phone with a man who I had just emotionally scarred, but it also meant that I could catch up with CC while simultaneously gathering information on Bret. It helped that it made Nikki happy too.

"Alright. Tommy and I are gonna' go swim out back. Come join us when you're done," Nikki offered, ruffling my hair playfully as he stepped away and headed for the back door.

"Seriously," Tommy insisted, hugging me tightly before following after Nikki. "I need a Marco Polo buddy."

"Sure thing, Tommy," I called after him.

Once they had closed the door, I settled into the deafening silence of the house around me. It was almost as if my house knew the importance of this moment and was holding its breath in anticipation of what would happen next. Not even the air conditioning that usually blew through the house could be heard.

I heaved a sigh before returning my gaze to the phone. It hung on its hook patiently, waiting expectantly for me to lift it up and start punching in numbers.

"Okay. Here goes nothin'."