Entities Of The Soul

What is it

You ever feel like you're really alone?
You're surrounded by friends
But your heart and spirit feel like they're in another place
Another place far far away

You ever feel like you're tired of this feeling overtaking you?
Like you want to know the reason behind this consistent occurrence?

Like you're in a concrete hole
Screaming for peace
And your voice is bouncing off the perimeter
RIGHT back at you
You look up and all you see are the long white walls of the hole
Pure endlessness

You want to feel again
You want to feel happiness, passion, and love
You want to feel goodness
But you're stuck in the cold, emptiness of the hole

The brighter side of you wants to feel these good feelings
Although the darker side whispers that it will find it's way to the bright side
And it will be dim again

So in a way, you're afraid to feel the bright side
Because you're used to it being temporary

You're not sure how to answer worrisome questions
You're not in the mood for apprehension

It hurts
One thing that hurts the most is the simple fact that you know how all of this started

You know what occurred in your life that remodeled your emotions

You know what the source is behind this distinguish feeling

Although, it's not easy to get out

It's not easy to talk about
To explain
To express
And to relive

You stutter when you want to explain it

"We - well I- I"

and nothing.

So when you're asked,
"Are you okay?"
You feel as if putting on a smile and saying,
"Yes, I'm fine."
Will be easier to do than expressing the hardship

You're not in the mood to deal with an individual that may not understand
You don't want to have to make anyone understand
So a simple "I'll be fine" and a break from life
Seems like it's all you need

You don't want to address the issue because the issue seems as if it will never go away
Like you're stuck with it
Like it's a darker part of you
Like you've made yourself that way because you can't fight it yourself
It's been instilled in you so you feel like there's no cure

You want to be the way you were before
But the depth of this feeling has buried itself in the softest part of your being
Therefore it doesn't come out much
You avoid it as much as possible
And you avoid situations that could bring you to it

Again, the most agonizing thing about this feeling
Is the fact that you know the source
You know what got you this way
Better yet, you know who got you this way

Someone as irrelevant to your life can tarnish bliss moments as this
Someone far far in the past was able to dismantle moments like this
By their own wrong doing

You know you're like this
And you know it may only get worse
So when people engage time with you
You're afraid that you could be wasting it
Because of this distinguish feeling that could end up scaring them away

Its misgiving isn't it? :/