All the dark places (Short story)

Corey

I really don't know what I'm doing. Why am I talking to this guy? Haven't I had enough loss? I can't get close to him because I'm like gasoline and once people get too close the get burnt and I can't stop it if it happens again, like Jasmine and Ben I won't be able to cope. I'll never be able to love normally, because I hurt everyone It seems like I can't stay away though I need people to surround me, which means I have to control my fire.

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I can't stop thinking about her seriously! She's literally on my mind at all times.The way she smiled and how the wind blew her hair. It sounds stupid. All of it! But I really do like her. I haven't really had a proper girlfriend before so this is going to be hard if she just wants to be friends, I don't want to screw this up.

"So do you want to go to the park? To chill and stuff?" She says quietly, her face changes and then she looks up and smiles at me.

"Yeah ok cool!" I say smiling back and brushing my windswept hair.

"Why the park?" I say trying to make conversation.

"I don't know it's just a nice place I guess" She answers

We walk up to the park talking about our family and stuff she gets a little embarrassed but I tell her that she can tell me anything and after that she looks more comfortable.

We sit down at a picnic bench when I see her looking across the playground to the slide.

"Hey so I saw you listening to music yesterday in the corridor, you like fall out boy don't you?" I say grinning.

She looks over now and gives a smile.

"Um yeah I do actually, they're good aren't they"She says a little sadly which is strange for her.

"Is everything ok?" I say trying to catch her eye.

"No, no yeah I'm fine, its just..."  She stops talking and looks at the slide again.

"What? you can tell me anything Mia, we're friends." I say suddenly wishing we were more than that.

"It's really nothing just carry on." She says smiling weakly

"You might not think were friends because we've only been talking a couple of days but you can trust me I'm not going to hurt you." I say pushing up my glasses and laughing at my geekiness.

"It's just that...well did you hear about that guy who killed himself like 3 years ago?" she says still looking down.

"Yeah I did actually kind of sad." I say

"It's just that I knew him, that's all." She says looking back over to the slide.

"Oh do you want to go?... I , we can go if you want" I say looking at her worriedly, I don't want to upset her.

"No it's fine it's ok..."she says trying not to look at me.

I lift up her chin and look into her eyes, 

"It's ok to go Mia I won't be upset."I say wanting to hold her so badly

"No it's fine!" She says looking at me now