All the dark places (Short story)

Heal

You only realise when the cuts are too deep to be sewn up - anonymous 

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I sit down and take a look at Mia, she's looking at me too, I am scared. Mia said that this psychiatrist is a good one but she also said that it may get too much for me, I know she's trying to help me but I don't know if it will or if it will make me worse. I close my eyes to the sound of hannah voice she wants me to imagine a dark place psychologically, this is not going to end well. I close y eyes and Imagine.

A dark room, with white walls that look grey in the darkness,  my torso is bare and all I can see is my stomach, It's still fat and squidgy, I look horrible. I stand up in the corner and exhale, I can get through this. I feel out for my stomach as I feel sudden burst of pain my fingers grasp round something sharp, I look down at it and It's a knife, my blood is everywhere my stomach is blood red and I look up in extreme pain and see Mia just standing there looking at me, murderer

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Corey's been going to Hannah for the past two weeks now, they say he's getting better, putting on weight, but I'm not so sure, they say he had a minor panic attack when I went with him that first time,  he dyed his hair three days after too, bright blue, he looks so hot. They are probably talking bullshit like Helen did with me, I'm sure that he wouldn't like Helen so that's why he's with Hannah, I'm worried about him, this would have never happened if I had just held myself back that day in the park, But Corey believes in fate so he doesn't mind at all.

"Mia hi! I've just finished my session with Corey, do you want to talk or something?" She says putting away some files, probably Corey's I'd do anything just to read the lies she's written in there.

"Um yeah actually" I say drawing my eyes away from them. I sit down on the chair facing hers.

"How's he doing y'know with everything" I echoed quietly fiddling with a thin bracelet on my wrist.

"Oh good,  good making great progress he's really starting to open up and I am getting someone in to help with the anorexia" She babbled making stupid hand motions that don't match the way she's talking.

"He doesn't have anorexia" I shout but it comes out a whisper.

"Er Mia he does, I don't know what he told you but he really needs this therapy." She says looking at me with intent.

"Corey doesn't need your shitty therapy Hannah! He only needs Me!" I shout at her surprising myself.

"Mia." She whispers hurt all over her face.

"NO!" I stand up and walk out of the room running past Corey as he is sitting in the waiting area, he runs after me but I am quicker.

I run across the road not bothering to look, down the street zig zagging through people, I run though the gates of the park and I am hit by the voices of children having fun. A thought came to me,

I am never going to have children

I stop and look at them, they are so innocent, they are yet to know the atrocities of the world we live in, because when they know they give in.  I want kids but I know I will never have them because I have already ruined my life and I know now that I cannot retrieve it to it's innocent self again. I take a last look and then run again, right into the forest at the back of the park, I sprint through trees and bushes, my hair pulling itself out of the bobble, I see a small clearing and rest myself at the base of an old tree.   I get my breath back and then curl up. I am soon interrupted by a familiar face.

"What are you thinking Mia!" He shouts at me but in an upset way.

I don't answer.

"It's fine It's ok" He says soothingly picking me up and resting me down again.

I groan and he laughs at me.

"My little caterpillar is a bit moody now!" He says laughing, I can't help laughing too.

I sit up and look at him, he stares back and then laughs again. He leant forward and kissed me slowly making my heart falter, He kissed so good, our lips moved in synch and I found myself wanting more. I  grabbed the back of his hair, pulling him closer to me, the kiss was getting better, but I found myself letting go and sitting back down again.

I can't do this.

He looks at me in a confused way but I look away. He reaches out, maybe to rub my cheek, but I move away. He stands up after me and gets in my way. I look up at him and he grabs my hand without a word pulling me through the forest. I find myself laughing again as he whips me through tall twisting trees and low swooping branches. He suddenly flops down pulling me onto him. The sun is shining through the canopy of the nearby tree and I start to sweat at the heat of it. Corey takes his top off and I suddenly feel sorry for Hannah because he has made progress, his ribs don't stick out anymore. I look at him and he's smiling at me.

"You checking me out!?" He says still panting.

"Pfft no" I say a little smile creeping on my lips.

"Yes you were Mia, oh you naughty girl!" He says flooring me and jumping on top.

I stroke his hair letting my fingers trace down his face, he relaxes and crawls closer. I put my hand on his bare chest and he kisses me roughly. He buries his face into my neck and leaving small wet kisses on it. My heart is hammering as he brushes my hair back. I look up and he grabs my hand placing it onto his chest.

"Do you see what you're doing to me?" He whispered I felt his heart beating as fast as mine or maybe faster.

I sit up and kiss him on the cheek. He stand up and grabs my hand again spinning me round. I let go in search for flowers and wander into a patch of white and pink ones. I pick some of the white ones and sit back down, Corey follows like a lost puppy. I thread them into  a chain and then connect them to a small twig making a crown. He watches in awe. I stand up and place it on his head.

"No you are the princess Mia!" He says

"Oh yeah, the princess of what?" I say beaming at him.

"CATAPILLARS!!" He shouts pressing me down on the soft ground tickling me until I surrender out of breath.

"I love you" I whisper, still lacking air

He looks at me with that cute smile of his with dimples and I grasp his hand, walking home.