That Summer (Completed)

Chapter 17: Savannah's POV

I spent the next few days in a daze after the kiss. Steven called everyday to talk, we spent hours chatting about everything. It was like we were getting to know each other all over again. And I guess in a sense we were, because the old Steven seemed like a lifetime ago.

Sometimes, in the dead of night, I got a really bad feeling in my gut because I could see how quickly everything could go so wrong. Did I really want to open up my heart again? I didn't know if I'd ever be ready for this again. I felt as if I was willingly jumping off a cliff, knowing full well how it could end because I'd done it before.

I couldn't ignore the feeling of pure happiness that filled me when he was near though. It was almost unfair how big of an impact he had. I just hoped this time, we'd be good for each other.  I didn't know if I could handle another tragedy.

******

The day before the trip, I started packing up some bags for the weekend. While I was folding the clothes, the doorbell rang.

I got up and went to see who it was. I opened the door and saw Steven standing there, looking uncertain. My heart lurched against my will.

"Hi," I said shyly, not bothering to hide my smile.

"Hey," he said, studying my face intently.

"Come in," I told him, breaking our gaze.

He walked in and I shut the door. I turned around and almost bumped into him, not realizing he hadn't moved an inch. He suddenly pulled me close and bent down to kiss me. My eyes fell shut and my hands instantly went to his face. My heart pounded as I stroked his face and pulled him closer. He kissed me softly, memorizing me. His hand explored my face before delving into my hair. He shifted and deepened the kiss, giving me everything he had. My knees buckled and I would've foolishly fallen if he wasn't holding me so tightly.

"All I could think about was doing that for the past few days. It was driving crazy. You are driving me crazy," he said, breathing hard, before kissing me again.

I giggled. "I thought you said we should stop."

"Well I'm an idiot, don't listen to me. We should definitely never stop. I could kiss you for hours," he said, tracing my cheek with his thumb.

I laughed, feeling myself get breathless. He was staring at me adoringly and for some reason I wanted to start crying. I remembered laying wide awake at night yearning for the passed out body laying beside me to look at me that way just once more. Was this how it was always going to be? Every sweet moment coming with a rush of bitterness from the bad days?

Steven saw my expression and sighed, somehow knowing I was thinking about the past. He simply pulled me in close and hugged me tight, mumbling apologies again and again.

A coughing noise came from the the stairs, making us jump apart. I saw Miranda standing at the top of the stairs, fighting a smile.

"Hi Dad," she said, coming down.

"Hey sweetie," he said, giving her a hug. "How are you?"

I backed away, letting them enjoy their moment. My heart filled with hope, watching her talk to him excitedly. No matter what happened, I knew Miranda needed this more than anything. And for her, I would do it all over again.

I went back to packing as Miranda and Steven had lunch and caught up. After I was done, I went into the bathroom and took a hot shower.

I came out, tying the knot of my bathrobe and jumped in surprise to see Steven examining a picture of the girls sitting on my nightstand.

He looked up and I reddened at the hungry look when his eyes roamed my body. My stomach clenched in response and heat spilled out, making me feel warm and dizzy. He was so bad for me.

"That was from their first day at kindergarten," I said, trying not to show how affected I was. Daughters. Good subject. Safe subject.

I went up to look closely at the picture in his hand.

I smiled, staring a their matching outfits. "Look at how tiny they were. Couldn't do a thing without each other."

Steven looked at me sadly. "I wish I could take it all back. I swear it. I wish we were back in this photo. In our tiny little apartment with mismatched furnitures, too many toys everywhere, and barely making rent. I wish I could hear them say Daddy for the first time again. I wish I never stopped kissing you goodbye and goodnight. I wish I came to you the night I found out about my mother. I wish I had said no to the first glass. And to the first time you asked me if I was going out that night. I wish I could take all back Savannah."

"Steven..." I said my voice trailing off at his pained expression.

His voice was hoarse when he spoke. "I wish I could take away Miranda's pain and I wish I could have Lauren look me in the eyes without disappointment. And most of all, I wish that I could take away all your horrible memories from the days I couldn't even remember my own name. You deserve someone so much better than me."

I touched his cheek, making him look at me.

"Hey, listen to me. I'm giving you another chance. Yes, you made some really really shitty decisions, but right now you look exactly like the man I married 20 years ago. And I missed him so, so much," I said, my voice cracking. "I haven't been the same without you. And maybe it's my own fault for loving you so much that I was lost when you weren't there. But these past few years were important Steven. I learned so much about myself. About being a mother and being strong. I missed you Steven, believe me I did, but I got through it. I made myself get up every morning and did everything for those two little girls in that picture. And still, I couldn't fill the void of their father. I'm giving you a second chance. Be there and love them. That's all I want. It'll take time and a lot of effort but it's worth it for them. And as for me, I'm still learning to open up to you again."

"Savannah," he said, hugging me close. "Please believe me, I have never stopped loving you. Not for a second, let me prove it to you. Give this marriage a chance again."

I didn't reply, unable to put my feeling into words. We stood like that, silently making promises and  cautiously opening up to a second chance at love.