V (A BTS Fanfiction)

chApter 10

[Jungkook]

The whole thing replayed in my head over and over again, haunting me endlessly. Her voice, her words. Everything was in perfect detail in my memory. From the little baby hair that stuck out of her pulled back ponytail to the movements of her lips.

I couldn't get it out of my head. The loud commotion that would have knocked me out of focus weren't of any help and it drove me nuts because of the uselessness of it now. Though I was screaming at the top of my lungs inside this empty shell, I kept the calm mask on as I walk down the hall towards the library.

Everything, everyone was so close to me as if they were caving in. Caving in like this hollow body caving in on the scared boy who hid away for the past 5 years. Suddenly, I started to feel very claustrophobic and before long, I was slowly not breathing anymore. My chest was not rising or falling. I wasn't inhaling or exhaling anymore. I couldn't breathe. I CHOSE not to breathe.

Upon arriving in the quiet library where I was alone, I let a big puff of air out. Exhaling and inhaling until I felt like I was in control again. I bit my lips and blink the tears away. I punched the desk just enough to feel only pain. Nothing else other than pain.

I let out a frustrated scream as I kick the nearby chair, letting my body fall slump onto the ground. My back against the bookshelf as I ran my hand along the rough carpet that scratched at my palm.

"Say something...." I numbly murmured out as I smiled like a crazy person, as I chuckled like one.

I knew what was going on with me but what more can I say. Or do...the least. Nothing is going my way and I felt trapped. Just like how I was back in grade school when I was pushed into the corner and made fun of. I felt like a little boy who was unable to do anything about what was going on around him. And it drives me to think of things I dare not do. I dare not commit.

I felt like crap. I felt like one of those hourglass. Time slipping out faster than those around me.

"I need you..." I thoughtlessly let my mouth spit out. I needed someone. Someone I can spend my day with and end up not realizing the sun was already setting. Someone I can be comfortable around and not always being so cautious of what I do.

"SEE! NO ONE IS HERE! LET'S JUST GO HOME!" That loud voice jolted me out of my thoughts, forcing me to stand up and hide behind my mask for one more hour.

I wanted just a couple more minutes to think for myself. To take off my perfect mask and embrace the person full of flaws. I guess it wasn't happening and as much as I want to collapse from exhaustion, I continue to fight back the urge.

I didn't give up for the past five years so why give it up now?

BoNa and the unknown boy enter. BoNa ignoring me as she walk on by and the boy giving me an uninterested look. But there was something about them that made it more light than tense. As if something good must have happened.

I shrugged it off and quickly examine the sheet the teacher left behind. On there, was just two names. BoNa and.....Taehyung? So that was his name.

Looking up from the sheet, they both were lost in their own world which I can careless because I was sucked into my own. Either I wanted it or not, I was sucked in.

If I could be someone other than me....I would seize it with no hesitation. I can be as reckless as I want. I can do and say whatever comes to my mind and I wouldn't give a shit about what others think. I wouldn't care so much about my reputation and expectation because I am not Jeon Jungkook.

The open book in front of me told others that I was studying but what went through my mind says otherwise. Random things would pop into my head but today, nothing remain in place. My mind was a blank piece of paper. Nothing written or drawn on it. Just blank and empty.