V (A BTS Fanfiction)

chApter 16

Ye...FINALLY! I have decided to update this for you guys! I have kept this a secret to myself but decided why not right? Anyway here you go! 

[BoNa]

I am NOT alone.
But why do I feel like I am. 

All around me, students are laughing brightly like a clear summer sky while I am just the single gray cloud in the background. Floating along with no purpose or direction. 

My fingers fiddled with each other as I wait for the teacher to come in and start class, slightly looking towards V's direction. He was laughing and enjoying himself as he is surrounded with people. People I know and a person I knew. 

I don't know if I should feel hurt because he wasn't here next to me like the friend I thought he would be. I don't even know if I know him anymore. 

He sits comfortably on top of Jungkook's desk, horsing around with his new friends. Minhee sat on Jungkook's lap, Hoon and Ilhoon was horsing around with V. While Hana eyed him like a hawk eyeing its prey. 

It killed me a little on the inside that he was friends with my bullies but it killed me more that I chose not to say a thing. Maybe this was all my fault. I mean I did just shrug my shoulders when he asked me if it was fine for him to start living with Jungkook even after my father was long gone. It was my fault for not truly telling him that I still want him with me. I still want to wake up to crazy and loud mornings. I still want to fall asleep while looking into those warm brown eyes. 

A tap on my shoulder and I was shove into the wall of reality. Beside me now sat V as he pull his hand away and smile like I too should smile. Immediately as if by instinct, I hid my feelings. Burying it deep within this grave that I dug myself. I may hide these thoughts and feelings but one thing I can't hide is how he still has an effect on me. 

My stomach twist in the weirdest way possible and my heart beats until the shake is visible on the outside. 

"Good morning!" V loudly whispers as the teacher took attendance, his signature smile dominating his face.

He is fine. I should be fine too. He is happy. I should be happy too. I can't though. I want to smile for his happiness but the only thing I will end up showing is the raindrops hidden in my eyes. 

I nod my head at him with a light expression before turning to face the front. And just like our conversation, the day went by like that. 

I tried not to stare at him for too long and he completely acts like I don't exist, either he knows he is doing it or not. Throughout the day, I try to recall the familiar feeling of being with just me but I can't. It was if I lost all memories and all I know now is how it feels to have V's presence here with me. 

Hold yourself. 

These two words repeated in my head as I walk toward the front gate, through a crowd of teenagers. Even in this crowd, I still feel lonely and out of place. 

"BoNa!" V's voice rang beside me as I continue my way home. I stop mid step and hesitated, wondering if I should ignore it or acknowledge him. I acknowledge him of course. I weakly smile at him even when his new friends were with him and all I can feel was fear. 

He walk towards me, his hair bouncing up as Jungkook's smile fade from his face. 

"V-V...." I stutter and trip over myself as I try to muster up the courage. 

"I will see you at your place." He whisper into my ears, reading my mind before I could even say it. 

His breath tickled my neck and sent shivers of delight down my spine as he held onto my hand and allow me to fall into those deep brown eyes. 

Giving me his signature smile, arms flailing in the air as he wave goodbye to me. As I walk on by, the distance between us quietly growing apart by the passing seconds. Not just physically, but in a way that pang my hearts and stabs it until no more holes could be created. 

He still have the same effects on me but I know nothing about what effects I still have on him. 

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The sun was long gone, homework was long done and my eyes was forever glued to the doors, ears waiting to just hear that ring of joy. 

He said he was coming. He said he was finally coming back to me after three weeks. 

But where is he?

I question in silence. The silence itself around me got louder and louder until it was unbearable that I just had to turn the TV on. Doubt gnawed at my brain as my teeth gnawed on the inside of my cheek. Ever so slightly, my eyes droop down until it was no longer at the door but at my limp hands. 

They were a pair. One without the other. But here I am...waiting for someone who I want to believe that was my right hand. My strong hand. 

Some time have pass before I woken up to people talking and laughing loudly. It felt like a movie because the only loud noise that ever go on around this house was V or the TV. My eyes flash open as I scan the whole room, my hopes of seeing V crushed. The unimaginable was right before me, splashing me like a bucket of ice cold water. 

V's arm was around Jungkook's shoulder as they laugh amongst their group consisting of Ilhoon, MinHee, Hana and Hoon. 

Throat dry and tongue heavy, I try to make out this dream that soon became a sick reality.