V (A BTS Fanfiction)

chApter 11

Author's Note: 

Hello once more! I am sorry but if you are confused, don't be. You are correct. It tis chapter 11 again. I know I know. I shouldn't be doing this but I couldn't help it. I felt like the previous one didn't sound like my work at all and I didn't like how it turned out so I wrote it in a different way. Well enjoy my BEAUTIFUL readers!!! 

PEACE! 

[Jungkook]

Right before my eyes, the snow was already falling, piling on top one another. It scares me how time flows faster than a river or a stream. It scares me how close the deadline was and how much left still unsaid from me. Maybe that's why I am focusing on just the snow. The movements of it so that no unwanted thoughts can slip into my mind.

I don't want to think. I want to do with no worry. I want to be me for the last few weeks or even months if possible. But that's what's wrong with me. I think and think. I think when I am conscious, I think when my whole body shut down. I think and I worry as if I have the weight of the world on my shoulder.

I beg myself to stop, turning into a mad man when I can't seem to convince myself. I know though, that it will come to an end soon. It will stop pestering me on the day I no longer breathe carbon dioxide out of my lungs. The day when I am nothing but just a hollow body.

I wonder how it feels to be just a hollow body. To not feel a thing. To not breathe or feel people's eyes always watching your every move. Then the idea hit me. It shove everything aside and made it my first priority.

I took one last empty look out the window and went back to my bed where I lay down. No blanket, no pillow. Just me and the white sheet underneath and a thin one covering this body I imagine as a corpse. The cold making it even more vivid as it licked every inch of my body.

I blink then close my eyes with such elegance that I actually believed it was my last time blinking. I breathe out a breath of air with nothing following afterward. It felt nice and peaceful. That is until my mind wandered away from my lifeless body.

It went to the times of when BoNa was my only friend. The times of us laughing hysterically but transitions to the time of my betrayal. When I intentionally hurt her, when I intentionally ignored and left her. The way my heart pound everytime I see her hurting but it all means nothing now. Well to me, it has always been a reason that brings me back to my human senses. A reason that reminds me of our once beautiful friendship that now remain as broken fragments. Though it is something for me, it is probably nothing to her because now she has Taehyung.

Taehyung. The weird new kid in our class that always clings around BoNa like her bodyguard. Like he devoted his life to her safety and happiness. Something I wish I could do because her smile is what makes my life a little depressing. It was like a new splash of color added to the black and white film.

I was starting to feel a burning sensation at my chest and as it gradually grew, my mind began to force me to breathe but my body didn't obey. I force my mind to ease while my body remain to burn into nothing but ashes.

A far away ringing noise brought me to my senses causing this mind of mine to take over and in response to that, I gasp for air. I choke and cough, breathing deeply the sweet numb air. The burning pain disappear but a new dizziness took over me. The dizziness soon subsided but the ringing didn't quiet down. It became louder and persistent.

The doorbell.

I shove the blanket aside and groggily made my way to the front door. By now it was 10 already which meant I spent an hour or more looking out that one window that is no help in lessening the feeling of suffocation in my room. This also meant that I will be home alone until midnight when my parents return from another tiring day of work. I can't imagine them coming home to an empty house and I don't want to but they too know that this was inevitable. It will have to be this way once I leave.