Obstruction

When you're gone

- the Cranberries, When you're gone -

https://open.spotify.com/track/0utKt4XL9oRU1TZIowJhlT

- June 8th -

Almost a week after the funeral, I was still wishing for a full do-over.
The conversation with Ethan was playing on my mind.
The word 'professional ' was hammering a hole in my heart and I was finding myself slowly shutting down my emotions one by one.

Trying to get my life back in working order, I went with Oddball to the car pound to see if the van was salvageable. He was chewing his nails all the way there.

"I really don't want that van anymore," he muttered as the bus neared.

I took his hand, not knowing what to say.

As we entered the chain link gates to the care graveyard, Oddball tensed up. I stopped and looked in the same direction as him.
Over in the corner was Odd's beat up rustbucket of a small van. The passenger side was punched in from when the drunk in an expensive SUV had smashed into it. The driver side looked completely untouched.

"I shouldn't have been driving her around in that," Oddball sighed.

I looked at the van and thought of all the times we'd loaded and unloaded band gear in and out of it.

"I don't really think the van was the problem. The idiot in the other car is," I said and went to look more closely.

"Let's see if there's anything to save," Odd sighed and unlocked the back door to reveal the boxes of wires, amps and speakers we normally didn't bother shifting.

There was the sound of tires on the gravel and I turned to see Ethan and Mio in their shared car pulling up.
I groaned, thinking I had found one afternoon to avoid Ethan and the tirmoil he made my heart suffer. I received a raised eyebrow from the big man next to me.

"You didn't think we would lug the stuff out of here in plastic bags on the bus did you?" He asked.

"A bit of warning would be nice," I muttered.

"No! Cos the two of you are going to have to start behaving like adults at some point," Oddball said firmly.

With a defeated sigh I jumped into the back of the van to see what was in there.
And to avoid seeing the reason why my heart was suddenly beating just that little bit harder.
The back seat was loose from the impact and several speakers had fallen over. The magnetic circuits would most likely be shot.
I tried to ignore how my throat constricted when I saw how the double passenger seat was twisted out of shape and the seatbelt was cut.
The dashboard was cracked and the glove compartment was popped open from the smash, CD's and chocolate wrappers spilling out.
I hopped over the driverseat and flipped down the sun visor to pick out the photo of the four of us Oddball had stuck there. It was one that Sarah had taken at Rock Central as we finished and showed the four of us at the front of the stage, bowing to the applause.
Oddball's hair was sweaty and stuck to his face, Simon looked like he had been back combing his from all his energetic jumping. My cheeks were flushed and I had an arm around Simon and one around Ethan.
I had seen the photo before, but never noticed how it looked like the two boys were each trying to tug me away from the other. I put it into my bag with the loose CD's littering the front of the van as well as the ownership documents and insurance papers from the glovebox before drawing a deep breath and turning to face reality.

Oddball had sat down in the back of the van with a dark look on his face.

"Mio just wanted to come and see if the van is salvageable," Ethan said.

"Even if it is... I don't know if I can drive it," Oddball mumbled.

I sat down next to him and lay my arm around him. His face contorted painfully.