A Cup of Fate

29th Phase: Escaping Elusion

a/n: this chapter is dedicated to @arrowtoDANI because she's the one who would always bug me about the update- even at school. haha. thanks for for being so persistent. xx I love you from the bottom of my heart. ;) 

29th Phase: Escaping Elusion

“He explained to me with great insistence that every question posessed a power that did not lie in the answer.” 

― Elie Wiesel, Night

__________

“Maggie, I’ll be out with Lux today. I’ll leave you the house.” Lou instructed as she peered through the door. “Please, don’t murder my home.” She warned. 

“Yeah, sure.” I replied obliviously. My thoughts were drifting away in my room, going in different circles, flying around the area, enveloping me as a whole. 

Lou scrunched up her brows as she squinted at me, giving me a perused look. “Please. I beg you,” she pleaded, with a hint of worry and desperation in her voice.

I stopped from pressing jumbled letters on the keyboard and averted my gaze to where she's standing. “I promise I won’t trash your house. It’s not like I’m going to throw a party or something." I felt my eyes roll skyward. "I’m a concealed person, remember? I promise you'll come back home with the house still standing tall,” I reassured. 

Lou drew a deep sigh. “Okay, I trust you." She opened the gap of the door wider. "I’ll see you at dinner.” She stepped in my room, motioning towards me. “Take care of yourself.” She admonished, patting my hair lightly.

“Yes, ma’am.” I replied affably. My lips curled upward as I watched Lou walked the floor, out of my room, leaving the door ajar. The thud of her footsteps slowly fainted as she ambled farther away. Every step she made echoed through the corridor outside my room, the thumps of her feet bouncing from wall to wall. A car engine began to growl which marked Lou and Baby Lux’s departure.

The smile on my face slowly fainted as I went back to my previous business- which is doing my college application forms. Clearly, I am not made to live in London for the sake of touring and fun-filled activities. I needed to prepare myself for what lies ahead of me and as an eighteen-years-old teenager; I am expected to go to college.

Minutes flew fast like a rocket launching to the moon. “Ugh!” I grunted, burying my face on the palms of my hands. “Why can’t I get this right?” I groaned furiously, in desperation. I was so frustrated with myself because I couldn’t seem to make my application form perfect. Reading my essay felt dissatisfying. My work seemed lost, like something was missing. I felt like I was just placing the twenty-six letters of the alphabet randomly, side by side, creating non-sensical ideas. I slammed the screen of the laptop close in frustration. I let out an irked moan and as the clock ticked its way, a lump was beginning to form on my throat. 

The first drop of tear was about to fall as I felt my eyes weighing heavier with every second. I blinked the water away, biting my lip as I stifled my tears. My face showed distress and as I closed my eyes, teardrops slowly gushed down my face with ragged currents flowing down my roseate cheeks onto the wilted collar of my shirt. I fluttered my eyes open, gently allowing images to be seen and perceived by them. Everything was a blur. I wiped the tears weighed on my eyelids as I took in huge gulps of air. 

I crossed my arms, placing them flat on top of my laptop. I crashed my head on my arms in so much disgruntlement. I let my tears fall on my own skin as I snivelled away the thoughts that kept me so low. 

I hate how weak I am. I always cry on the littlest things. I always tremble in fear. I always get emotional. I'm easily fooled- and I hate it. I hate crying. Crying meant losing. Crying meant leaving- but it would always make me feel better. Crying is my way to vent out all the negative thoughts and emotions I've been carrying- but crying made me fragile. So fragile that I crumble with the slightest touch of the most sensitive part of my being- which is my heart.