Death Has Wings

Suicide

I couldn't take it. Two years after mother had married John and he was forcing me to call him my father. He didn't deserve to be called father by anyone. He was filth. He wasn't worthy of my mother's love. He wasn't worthy of living.

I had his death planned out. I would make it look like suicide, just like they did on television. It would be easy for me. Especially with help from Grandma's friends. I never got to go through with it though.

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"John, why did you marry my mother?" I asked the man sitting on the sofa next to me. He smiled and looked at me.

"I married her because I love her, and please, do call me dad."

I shook my head. "But you're not my father. Alfie Bailey is my father." He stared right into my eyes and lost his smile.

"Not any more." Mother came in the room and John brought back his smiley façade. "Amelia honey, could you give me and Clark a minute please? We need a little talk, it won't take long." Mother nodded and left the room as quickly as she appeared. John watched her walk out of the room then turned to me, his eyes filled with an emotion I had yet to discover.

"Listen you little shit," He pointed at me with a pudgy finger. "You'll call me dad from now on or I swear to God that I will leave you and your mum just like your real dad." That was the last straw. I stood up and stared into his hate-filled eyes.

"Don't you dare talk about my father in that way!" I couldn't help shouting. He had gotten me so wound up and now he had blown it. All he did was smile.

"Getting a little protective over a dead man, aren't you?" I lunged at him and grabbed his collar. He was still smiling. I felt like snapping his neck, right then and there. My mother came rushing in and started to pull me off of John.

"Let me go! Please mother, let me go!" I struggled against her and broke free. John was still sat on the sofa, smirking. Pure rage enveloped me. I stared at him, breathing heavily, whilst mother tried to calm me down.

"Clark, baby, look at me." She turned me towards her. Her soft brown eyes made some of the anger melt away. "Why did you do that?"

"H-he said that f-father was dead...he's not d-dead, is he?" I couldn't stop tears from forming. Talking about my father was always a touchy subject. Mother pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.

"Of course he isn't dead, sweetheart. Shh honey, it's okay, it's okay." She hugged me for longer than I was used to. When she pulled away, she had tears rolling down her cheeks. "Now Clark," She brushed my hair from my eyes. "Why don't you go upstairs and calm down while me and...John have a talk, okay?" I agreed and left the room. I didn't look back at John.

***

About an hour later, I was sitting on my bed, talking to Grandma Mae on my phone, when I heard shouting from downstairs. Mother and John were arguing.

"Clark, who's shouting? Where is it?" Grandma sounded really concerned. I sighed.

"It's mother and John again. They're downstairs." I got off of the bed and opened my door. The shouting was louder this way and I could hear everything they were saying.

"You don't talk about his dad in front of him, John! He's really sensitive about that!"

"The kid should learn to grow up! It's been three years, for fuck's sake! When my mum died I got over it within a month."

"But he's not you, is he? He's only a kid! You can't expect him to forget his dad..." I had caused this. I was at the centre of every argument they had. I was the problem in their lives. If I wasn't here, then they would have normal lives and-

Grandma's voice brought me back to reality. "Clark? Clark, sweetie, I need you to say something. Please."

"It's all my fault. Everything. It's my fault. Lilith dying, father leaving, mother and John's arguments. My fault. Everything."

"No it's not, Clark. Nothing's your fault. Now, go into your room, shut the door and keep talking to me." I didn't hear the last sentence. I was already in the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet. I wouldn't be a burden to anyone any longer. I found all the sleeping pills I could and swallowed them. I knew that it was enough to kill me, I'd just have to wait. I locked the door and sat in the bath, waiting for the darkness to claim me and take me from everyone's lives. At least then I wouldn't get in the way of mother's happiness.

After what felt like forever, my vision began to fade into blackness. I was finally going to make mother happy. I was finally going to get away from John. I was going to be with the angels. I heard banging in the distance and someone calling my name but I didn't pay attention.

I just wanted it to be over.