Ezria season 6b

chapter 41: i'll stand by you

ARIAS POV:
I stared at the last two bottles. full. they seemed to be staring back at me. Ezra walked in and out his coat on the rack. I picked up the bottles and walked to the kitchen. he followed me. I poured them out in the sink. my mascara started to run. I walked towards him.

"I'm sorry. so so sorry. I hurt you. I know you can't forgive me and I don't want you too. just please. please wait this out with me. I'll get better. I promise. I can't lose you." I pulled him in for a hug and cried into his chest. he hugged me tight and held my held close to his chest. he kissed the top of it and let me go. he wiped my tears.

"I can't leave you. I promise. thank you. let's talk about it ok? you haven't talked..."

"Ezra I don't know if I can."

"well when you're ready. I'm willing to listen." he smiled. I stared into his blue eyes and got lost. I sat down in the stool next to the countertop and he sat next to me.

"I'm scared."

"me too." he whispered as he grabbed my hand.

"I wanna be better."

"I know. but Aria. you're going to crave that alcohol again soon and I'm going to go buy it for you because I can't stand to see you in pain. but you know being aware of your crap and actually overcoming it are to different things..."

"I know.. I just need you. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I can't lose it anymore. don't let me. I need to figure out who I am again. Ezra I don't know who I am anymore. you don't either and it's killing me. and I'm slowly wrecking you and I don't know how much longer I can watch it knowing I can't just stop drinking at this given second you know? Sometimes darkness wins and I don't know if that's okay. It's just I feel sad. I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something I was never told when I was younger. Ezra I sat on the couch drinking bottle after bottle thinking about how you feel. I thought about what if I lost you and what would I turn into then. but then I realized I sorta already have lost you. that's why I've been going beyond everything and I'm scared if I really do lose you what I'll do. These days I'm at my emptiest and I just want my old self back. Ezra I'm just waiting for you.."

"to do what?" he asked

"To leave me... I'm broken-" I continued as my voice broke and a tear escaped my eye.

EZRAS POV:
I've realized it's easy to love someone when they're happy. what's hard is loving someone at 2:00 am crying on the bathroom floor because the world came crashing. Down at once. but I'm not kidding it hasn't hit me till this precise moment. hearing the crack in the voice of someone you love who is about to cry. that may just be the worst sound I've ever heard. and it hurts just to hear it.

"Aria I've never told you this but I think you need it more than ever right now. there was never any way for me to know for sure that I was in love with you. I knew my feelings were deeper than just "liking you." when I was uh laying with you in my bed that first night at my apartment. And we were both gripping onto each others hands so tight. and my head my leaning against your heart on your chest. I could hear and feel the beating... under my ear. my arm was resting across your chest as my fingers were latched to that ratty old Hollis shirt that you liked oh so much with the hole in the side, the one you looked so good in. you were playing with my hair. then you kissed the top of my hair and kept reading some novel; that's when I knew. I knew that when I had to wake up in the modding and hold my own head up, let go of your hand and stop listening to your heartbeat, hold onto something other than your shirt, not feel your lips on my head, I would be in so much pain. I knew I couldn't live without you. I was and still am so in love with you. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere you hear me? we will get through this. I love you. for better or for worse." I pulled her into a hug and she just sobbed into my chest saying "thank you" I cried too and kissed the top of her head. knowing maybe this will all be alright. but then I realized some people crack while others break.