//you'll put your eyes to the sun and say I know you're only blinding to keep back what the clouds are hiding//
Me: what time is it there
Beck: 4:52
Me: 2:52
Beck: wanna skype-watch something
Me: oh yeah sure hold on let me get my charger
It's what it sounds like- we Skype and watch something on Netflix, our glowing screens in sync. At times like this it feels like the closest I'll ever get to Beck. And even then it's not enough.
Me: okay
Me: what are we watching
Beck: hmmm
Beck: omg wait have you seen firefly
Me: uh no what is it
Beck: it's the best it's this sci-fi thing
Beck: joss whedon directed it
Me: ok ok I'm sold
I call her via Skype, and it's an amazing feeling when she answers. I haven't seen her face in a while.
"Hey," I say. "Long time no see." She smiles wide.
"What's up, stranger? I gotta be quiet so I don't wake up my parents, but I miss talking to you. Like, really talking. You know what I mean."
"I know- same. It's different over text."
She nods, somewhat sadly at first. "Oh, well. So!" She sits up a little and claps softly, her brown eyes turning up at the corners of her sunny smile. "Firefly. You, my friend, are in for a treat."
I giggle a little. "If you say so."
I start the episode and watch Beck watch her screen. She's so beautiful, without even trying. It's four am for her- she's makeupless, hair slightly tangled, skin a little shiny, pajamas rumpled- but she looks like art. Priceless art. I curl up in a blanket next to my laptop screen as the pilot episode starts. There's some sort of war shit happening.
"Just wait, it gets better," she tells me.
"Okay," I say, and smile a little.
It really does. At occasional points throughout the episode, I catch Beck looking at me, gauging my reaction, making sure I like it. There's something small but so endearing about it.
Sometime halfway through I realize I'm concentrating more on Beck than anything else. She's oddly captivating, especially when she doesn't realize she's being observed. That sounds weird, but- she's like some bird with beautiful feathers, but she doesn't realize how extraordinary the plumage is, and she's so miraculous to look at. I feel like I've been invited into a private little part of her soul.
Now, of course, I have to mentally kick myself, because I'm getting carried away again. There's something in the fact that she'll live with me someday soon that makes me dream a little bigger, because maybe- maybe- the things I fantasize about at times like this will eventually come to pass.
Don't fucking jinx it, I tell myself. Focus on the show.
"I don't want it to be over," I say of the pilot when it ends. It really is a great show.
"Do I have some bad news for you, then... There's only one season." Beck says disappointedly.
"What?!" I exclaim, too loudly, and then wince at the volume. "That's terrible," I say softer.
"I know, right? Ugh," Beck agrees.
There's a silence then, but it doesn't feel awkward for some reason. We're content for the time being to look back at each other through the screen.
"Is it weird that I wish you were here with me?" I muse softly. And then immediately regret it. That sounded so forward. What if she laughs at me?
But I know deep down she won't. She doesn't.
"Not at all. I was thinking it, too." she replies, lowering the pitch of her voice to match mine.
"Better than trying to simulate it with skype," I say somewhat ruefully. Beck just nods absentmindedly. She rests her head in the crook of her elbow and some of her dark hair spills over her arm in snaking tendrils.
"I wanted to ask you something," she says out of nowhere, in a voice muffled by her arm.
"Oh. What?" I question. My pulse quickens a little.
"Um-" She props herself up on her elbows and looks down. "Do you, uh- I mean..." she trails off.
"...Yes?" I prod. Where is this going?
"Well," a nervous laugh, "It's not a big deal, but I kind of-"
She doesn't have a chance to finish.
I can hear it, in the background, some big voice filled to the brim with too much anger calling Beck's name.
"Shit shit shit shit shit," she whispers frantically. "I have to go. Now. I'm sorry, Sawyer, I'll..."
She punches the disconnect call button.
The screen goes dark.
I sit up, my hair messy from lying on it for so long, and I'm scared. Scared for her, scared of what she was going to say, scared for us.
I never pictured love being like this.
Maybe I'm just naïve.
Scratch that, definitely naïve.
YOU ARE READING
On The Bright Side
Genel KurguOregon and Minnesota couldn't be farther apart for Beck and Sawyer, but they'll make it work any way they can. Won't they? *** I mean, if you're not a fan of gay people, don't read this. In fact maybe just leave the internet forever. Potential trigg...
