After 2

Chapter 120.

Hardin grabs two pillows off the bed and I pull the comforter off to hand to him.

"No, you use that. I will get a blanket from the hall closet." He says and exits the room.

"Okay." I quietly answer even though I am alone in the room.

I am still dealing with the emotional aftermath of watching Hardin break down in front of me. I never, ever thought that I would ever witness anything like that from him.

He was so raw, so vulnerable. I feel like the dynamic between Hardin and I is constantly changing and shifting, one of us always having the upper hand. Right now I am positive that I do, but I don't want to. I don't trust myself to be in control of what happens between us. Up until a few hours ago I had it all figured out but now after seeing him that way my mind is muddled and my thoughts clouded.

Hardin returns with two blankets in his arms and sits them down on the floor. I feel a little guilty because he will be sleeping on the concrete floor of our.. this apartment but considering everything he has done, that's not too bad.

I had planned to take a shower tonight but I am going to wait until the morning, I just want to change and lay down. I am not sure how much sleep I will actually get but I don't have the energy to shower right now. I climb off the bed and grab the small pile of clothes from the end of the bed. Hardin watches me as I walk into the closet and pull the door closed behind me. Once I am dressed in the shorts and t-shirt, I regret not grabbing pants. Hardin obviously has seen me in much less clothing, no clothing at all, but I feel oddly exposed in the cotton shorts.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and pad back to the bed. Hardin is laying on his makeshift bed, his long body taking up most of the spare room on the floor. I feel his eyes on me until I reach the safe haven of the bed, tucking myself under the thick blanket and letting out the breath I was holding.

"Do you want me to turn the television on?" He asks after minutes of silence.

"No, if you want to you can but I am okay without it." I answer.

I wish that I would have grabbed my nook out of my bag so I could read until I fell asleep. Maybe reading the demise of Catherine and Heathcliff's lives would make mine seem easier, less traumatic. Catherine spent her whole life trying to fight her love for that man, on and off until the day she begged for his forgiveness and claimed she could not live without him, only to die hours later. I could live without Hardin, couldn't I? I won't spend my entire life fighting this, this is only temporary. Right? We won't bring ourselves and other's misery because of our stubbornness and hard heads. Right? I am bothered by my uncertainty of this and I can't help but compare Trevor to Edgar.

"Tess?" My very own Heathcliff calls, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yea?" I croak.

"I didn't fuck.. sleep with Molly." He says, correcting his foul language.

I stay silent, I want to believe him but I can't allow myself to forget that he is a master of deception.

"I swear it." He adds.

"Why did you say that then?"

"To hurt you. I was just so pissed because you said you kissed someone and I just said the thing that I knew would hurt you the most." I can't see him but somehow I know that he is laying on his back, his arms crossed, hands under his head and staring at the ceiling.

"Did you really kiss someone?" He asks before I can respond.

"Yea." I admit.

I hear the suction of a deep breath and he sighs.