After 2

Chapter 136.

"You didn't think I was going to stay?" I ask him and take his hands into mine.

I have asked that too many times since I have met him.

"No, not after everything that I have done. Not now that you know everything. You know everything" He repeats.

"Yes.. I do." As I say the words I realize how freeing this is.

I no longer have to worry that the secrets from Hardin's past will come back to haunt us. I no longer have to wait for someone to drop a huge bombshell on me. I know everything. I finally know everything he has been hiding. I can't help but think of the phrase "sometimes it is better to be kept in the dark than be blinded by the light."

I don't think that applies me to right now, I am disturbed by the things he has done but I love him and I have chosen to not let his past effect us any longer.

"What are you thinking? Do you have any questions about any of the things in the note?" He sits on the edge of bed and I stand between his legs.

He flips my hands over in his and traces small patterns on my palms as he searches my face for clues to how I am feeling about all of this.

"No.. I do wish I knew what happened to Natalie.. but I don't have any questions."

"I am done being that person, you know that don't you?" I already told him this but I know he needs to hear it again.

"I know that. I really do babe." His eyes dart to mine at the use of the word.

"Babe?" He arches his brow.

"I don't know why I said that.." I flush.

I have never called him anything other than Hardin, I am not sure why I did just now. I love when he calls me that but I doubt he likes it the way that I do.

"No.. I like it." He smiles.

"I have missed your smile." I tell him.

His fingers stop their movements.

"I have missed yours too. I don't make you smile enough." He frowns.

I want to say something to remove the frown from his face but I don't want to lie to him. He doesn't make me smile enough and he needs to know that.

"Yea.. we need to work on that." I say.

"I don't know why you love me."

"It doesn't matter why I love you, only that I do."

"The letter was stupid wasn't it?"

"No! Would you stop with the self loathing? It was wonderful. I read it three times straight. It really made me happy to read the things that you were thinking about me.. about us."

"You knew I loved you."

"Yes.. but it was nice to know the small things, the way you remembered what I was wearing. Those types of things. You never say those types of things."

"Oh." He looks embarrassed.

It is still slightly unnerving to have Hardin be the vulnerable one in our relationship. That role has always been mine.

"Don't be embarrassed." I say.

His arms wrap around my waist and pull me onto his lap.

"I am not embarrassed.:" He lies.

I run one of my hands through his hair and wrap my other arm around his shoulder. It hasn't been long since I have been in his arms but it feels that way.