I will love you till I die

Coffee Is Hot

{Ryder P.O.V.}

As I sit in class I keep looking at the clock. Usually this is my favorite time of the day, last period,art, everything I could ever want. But right now, the drawing I've been working for weeks on just looks like a bunch of blurry lines. Any other day I would've been working on it in peace. But today isn't any other day.

In a matter of minutes I'm going to be at the local coffee shop with, what I think is, the most beautiful girl in the school.

I look back to the clock and see we have two minutes left of class.

I put my notebook in my backpack.

One minute left.

I put my backpack on.

The bell rings and I jump up knocking over the chair I was sitting in. I pick it up only for it to knock over again. I stare at it for a few seconds begging it to comply.

I try again, this time being successful, and quickly run out the door, ignoring the detention slip I had received.

//jump 30 minutes//

I sit in the coffee shop staring at the steaming cup of coffee.

"Staring at it won't help cool it off." I look up to see Colette smiling down at me.

"Oh, yeah, I was just thinking, sorry." I say hoping she doesn't ask why.

"Okay, as long as you're ready to think, let's get to work on the assignment." She says as she pulls out the sheet of paper from her bag. I do the same and feel panic rising because I didn't want her to know much about me. The less she knows, the better off she is.

I reach across the table to grab my bag knocking over my coffee in the process. I wasn't sure where it had all gone until I looked up and saw the look on her face.

The coffee had spilled off the table and onto the front of her lower legs.

"I am so so so so so sorry! Here!" I scream as I ripped out a few napkins from the dispenser and throw them at her.

I sit there staring at her as I feel a full blown panic attack coming on.

"I gotta go." I grab my stuff and rush out the door leaving her there in shock.

It takes about five minutes to run home considering it's only 2/3 of a mile away. I get in the door and rush to my room, slamming the door behind me and sliding down the door letting the tears that had formed slid down my face.

The smallest things make me cry. I know, guys aren't supposed to cry.

Fuck that shit.

I look across to my desk, in the drawer where I kept my razors, and think of reasons why I should let the medal slide.

"Nobody likes you."
"She's never going to like you now."
"Never gonna have friends."
"Mistake, that's what you are."
"Easier to kill yourself now."
"Just do it, you're too stupid to get a job."
"You'll never do anything helpful for the people around you."

I slowly get up and walk to the desk, staring at the drawer for a few seconds before I get out the sharpest blade.

Just hope when they find me they don't hate me for the mess.