The Mermaid

Chapter 6

Protect Peeta, Katniss thought, over and over again. Protect Peeta, Protect Peeta- she began to mutter this aloud. Peeta, thankfully, didn't seem to hear her. She gave him one last look before staring out the window again.
I'm gonna protect you, Peeta.

~

Finnick sat next to me on the train, Mags sitting across from us with Annie. Annie wouldn't normally go on these trips with us when we mentored our tributes. She'd always stay with Granny. But, with Granny dead, she had no where to stay. We were going to send send her to stay with a friend of Mags's, but she said she wanted to come to say goodbye to us.
I nestled my head in the crook of Finnick's neck, trying to block everything out. He had an arm wrapped around me and practically held me in his lap. Blankly, I stared off into space. Few tears were left still in my eyes, but they refused to fall.
The elevator door opened, making me jump. It was so quiet before, and now Argus is going to ruin that.
"We will be at the Capital in an hour or so, rest up before we get there," he held his hands in front of him in an obnoxiously posh way. He turned to each of us with a smile on his face before he caught sight of me. His smile disappeared and he frowned slightly at me. I probably looked like a mess, with tear stains still on my face and bloodshot eyes.
He mustered up a smile before turning and walking up to the front of the train. None of said ordid anything for a moment.
"I'm going to take a nap," I informed the Victors, probably sounding much harsher then I meant to. I picked up Finnick's arm and removed it from my shoulders.
Finnick yelled for me to wait, but I ignored him and walked to the back of the train. I walked through every door, uncertain of where I was actually headed.
To the right, near the very back, was a decent sized bathroom. Slipping in there quietly, I shut the door and cried again. It wasn't pretty, it was ugly sobbing. I cried myself out again, taking a look in the mirror.
Same old me, curly brown hair, chestnut eyes, and thin red lips. Granny looked just like me when she was my age. Or maybe I looked just like her, I don't know.
"Look at you," I whispered to my reflection, laughing slightly,
"Look what they've done to you."
I could tell you one difference between me and young Granny. It was our demeanor.
Granny was so happy and hopeful, she had this light about her. She radiated joy.
Me? I didn't have a light like her. I was so broken, I wasn't even sure it was possible to put me back together. I didn't radiate anything, other than trouble. And it was all because of the Capital.
In a way I thought it was my fault she died. If I had kept my promise, she wouldn't have yelled those things against President Snow and she'd still be here.
What was wrong with me? Everyone I love is dead, except for Finnick. And here he was, about to march to his death. And it would be all my fault again!
If I had never volunteered, Finnick would've had a fighting chance. But now, he would never try to win those games if it meant competing against me.
You stupid, stupid girl I thought, ripping at my hair, fresh tears brewing in my eyes.
I continued to torture myself with these  awful thoughts.
Someone banged on the door, making me jump.
"Mari? Open up," Finnick's voice came from the other side. Gulping down my sobs, I backed away from the door.
"I'm not fooling around, Mari, open up," he said again. I was gonna get him killed in the games. Then I'd truly be alone.
Reaching over, I twisted the lock on the door. Finnick heard it click and opened up the door. 
He caught one sight and frowned, opening and closing his mouth. Probably, he just doesn't know what to say.
"The train is pulling into the Capital," Finnick finally informed me.
"Come on out when you're ready," his voice wavered and his eyes darkened, something they do when he's sad. I nodded, blinking back tears for his sake.
Finnick opened his mouth, ready to say something else before quickly shutting it again. He gulped and nodded, closing the door behind him.
A few minutes later I exited the small bathroom and walked down the thin hallways, using the walls for support.
My knees felt weak, nothing felt real anymore. Nausea took over. Swaying side to side, I somehow made it down the hallway without getting sick.
I found the dining car where Mags and Annie still were and took a seat. Mags gave me another look of sympathy. She reached forward and grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. Avoiding her eyes, I squeezed her hand back, thanking her without having to say anything.
Finnick stood up, smiling and waving out the window. Turning around to face the window, crowds of Capital citizens cane into sight. Everyone was pushing and shoving, just trying to get a glimpse of Finnick. Even from in here, their screams were deafening. It only made my head hurt.
"Are you alright?" Timid Annie asked, reaching out to me with a shaky, pale hand. Nodding, I turned away from her. But I wasn't alright.
Nausea affected me, along with a migraine and exhaustion.
Finnick caught my eye, furrowing his brow. His lips stayed pressed together in a firm line.
"You don't look alright," he argued, stepping away from the window and seating himself next to me on the small sofa. Placing a hand on my forehead, he took my temperature.
"Damnit, you're burning up!" He exclaimed, pulling back. Finnick stood, walking to the other side of the train and pouring a glass of ice water for me. Refusing it, Finnick placed it carefully on the table.
"Should we get a doctor?" He asked the small group before us. Frustration bubbled up inside of me, couldn't they simply leave me alone?
"Finnick, I'm fine! I feel okay-" but I couldn't finish that sentence. Gagging, I sprinted down the hallway, finding another bathroom before vomiting in the toilet. Finnick followed quickly behind. He pulled back my hair and rubbed my back as I coughed up my breakfast.
It was almost no surprise I was sick. My nerves had always affected my stomach.
I used to get sick the night before every reaping when I was a little girl. I thought I had gotten better, having gone years without nervously barfing, but I guess I was wrong. I didn't even get sick when Finnick told me about the Quarte Quell, or in the days leading up to the Reaping.
Finnick rubbed my back, still holding my hair, and it made me sad all over again. Granny used to hold my hair and rub my back when I had gotten sick.
Finally I had finished, and Finnick flushed the toilet. He wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me to stand.
We walked back down the hallway together, sitting back in the dining car.
Finnick opened up a few Windows. The fresh air instantly made me feel better.
"Was it motion sickness?" He asked, looking out the window. The first time I didn't answer, only replying  after the second time.
"Nerves," I explained in a hushed voice, loud enough still for him to hear. My eyes stayed trained on my feet. My mind wandered places I didn't want it to go- The Reaping, the Quarter Quell, Granny's death, mostly.
Our train finally lurched to a stop and we all swayed slightly as it lost speed. By now my headache and nausea were gone, with only a disgusting taste left in my mouth.
Finnick stared blankly out the window, pressing a hand up to the glass. I leaned my head up to the cool glass as we entered an underground tunnel, only looking up when an out of the ordinary flash of red caught my eye. I looked up, hoping to catch it before it was gone. And there it was- the Mockingjay symbol.