Perspectives

14. Nahuel

In the darkness of my room,as I sat alone in the corner, all I coud see in the distance was the time.  Glowing green in the black night, I watched the digit on the right change.  

1:32.  Usually, I would sleep very early in time.  But tonight, sleep wouldn't visit my restless eyes.  With the time moving the way it is, all I can do is wait.  Be thankful that I have the right to live this life.  But I couldn't help but wonder why I was in the life that I'm in.  Why this was my life.  Why this cold be anyone's life.  

My mom hurt Tommy again.  

She had grabbed his hair and pulled him around, ignoring his screams.  Screams of pain.  Screams for mercy.  Screams for help.  She shoved his face in a bucket of water and yanked it out brutally.  She pushed him against his wall and left his room.  Upon walking out, she yelled over her shoulder and slammed his door on the way out.  

I walked into his room after she left to find him sitting against the wall where she had pushed him, shaking.  My brother who wasn't afraid of anything, never shed a tear, was sitting there, shaking.  Unaware of the tears that slid down his cheeks.  I walked over to him and leaned down next to him.  I hugged him until he stopped shaking, telling him over and over that it was going to be alright.  

Look where we were now.  Look where I was now.  Here I was, Nahuel Casteñedas.  Sitting here holding my older brother.  The one who made me constantly mad.  The one who beat me up playfully and pushed me around, teasing me, was sitting here shaking in my arms and crying.  Thomas Casteñedas who was so different from me and everything I was.  Yet we were one in the same.  We both knew how it felt to be abused, physically and mentally.  We both had grown up with the same mother and we both watched her change after our father left.  We have both been hit.  We had both been pushed around.  We had both been hurt mentally.  We were different but the same.    We were together and we would stick together always.  

As I sat there in the darkness, staring at the clock, I remembered painfully Tommy's pain and my own pain.  I remembered every time she laid a hand on me and every time she laid a hand on him.  

2:01.  It was so late and I wished I could sleep but I could not fall into sleep no matter how hard I tried.  Suddenly, I thought of Jacey.  The one thing keeping me above the water was Jacey.  On top of my life full of reasons for me to let myself drown in a sea of thoughts, pain, and terror was this beautiful girl who I couldn't find anywhere else.  She's not like one of those fake, pretty girls that you could find anywhere.  She was one of those girl's who were impossible to find.

2:15.  There were so many things of my life that made me want to die.  Made me want to go away.  So many things that made me want to relieve everyone of an extra life.  If it weren't for Jacey, I don't know where I would be.  I would most likely be dead if it weren't for Jacey.  The world, it feels like, lies in our hands.  The beautiful sunlight beam, Jacey.  I love Jacey.

2:45.  

2:58.

3:12.

3:37

3:52.

4:00.

5:00

6:00

7:00

8:00.  Time for my new day.  Saturday morning.  Two more days until I get to see Jacey.  Two more days without my cellphone.  two more days of abuse.  Two more days of this life that I was expected to live.  Two more days and then what? Two more days after that.  And then two more.  And then the rest of my life.  

We're living in a world of beauty.  A world of love.  A world of life.  A world where we try to live in the role that Someone cast us to play.  We're simpley a puppet show, controlled by a rotten little kid with a mastermind.  A rotten little kid with a sick, sick mind tugged at the strings, telling us what life we were supposed to live.  The mastermind behind everyone's life was in control of what we were to do.  They all wanted us to be something that we never wanted to do.  When we all think that we know everything, we need a reality check because we don't know anything.  We don't know anyhting at all.