Perspectives

18. Nahuel

I woke up to the sound of a fist pounding on my door.  My roommate appeared to be just waking up as well.  He raked his fingers through his blond surfer-like curls and looked at me.  His dark eyes were rimmed with red and glazed over the top, making it obvious that he had cried himself to sleep.  The dark circles under his eyes made another thing apparent.  He wasn't getting much sleep.  His face was pale and strange looking.  There was a normal, everyday aspect to his strange face but a different, magical feature to him as well.  He was very muscular but his body frame was very small.  The sound of the knock seemed to be nothing new to him as he made no effort to go open the door.  Instead, the door opened for him.  A man stepped in and turned on the lights, which were protected by plastic covers and metal grates over them for fear that we would use the glass to hurt ourselves.  He wore the standard uniform here, black pants and the blue polo T-shirt with the name of this place printed on it.  I made a note to myself that I needed to check one of those to see the name.  I figured that it was a bad thing that I didn't know where I was.  There was a name tag pinned to his shirt.  I figured I could read it to know his name, but I didn't want to look at him anymore.  I didn't even make eye contact.  

"Boys," the man said, obviously not making the effort to learn our names, "Thirty minutes till your first session."  He left immediately after that short announcement.  The boy across the room looked at me with a bored look in his eyes.  He sighed and began to speak.

"When did you get in?" he asked looking at me with hard eyes, as if he was trying to look in to my intentions.  

"I got in yesterday at about three," I said, "But I was being interviewed and I didn't get in here until really late." He nodded and rolled out of bed.  He was wearing a pair of blue, plaid pajama pants with no shirt.  I saw several healed scars all over his stomach, running up his wrists, and by the amount of them, I could tell that there must have been more.  They were healed, which showed that he must've been here for a while.  

"Well I don't know why you're here and it's not my business," he said, "But umm... I know why I'm here and I know it's not easy to come from a good life to here so... um... I don't know how many friends you had back home, but you need one here.  So I'm here for you okay?" By the look on his face, I knew that this guy had been hurt a lot and that it was very difficult for him to say that for fear that he would get hurt again.  I looked at him, transmitting everything I had to say through a single look.  I wasn't going to hurt him because I had been hurt so much.  I appreciate his kindness and I was there for him too.  I didn't even know his name but he was already closer to me than most people got to be in years.  He held out his hand to introduce himself to me. "I'm Eric," he said.  

"I'm Nahuel," I said, shaking his hand.

"Well, you're new here so you probably don't know too much.  I'll show you around.  Just get changed and we'll head over to session."  He began to get ready.  When he reached for something near my bed, I saw his white hospital bracelet, attached loosely to his wrist.  

Ward, Eric 12/11/96

Covina, CA

Aurora Home for Mental and Behavioral Health

Department of Individual Protection

Suicide

Eric and I walked together to session, walking through various halls that I didn't think could exist in a building that really wasn't very big.  We walked by several rooms just like ours. They all appeared exactly alike and if it wasn't for the numbers printed next to them, I'm not sure I'd ever find my way back to my room.  

"Walk fast," Eric said, "Some of these kids are here for worse things than you think." We continued on past many therapy sessions.  "Here, your day starts at ten. Rob comes by each morning at eight to wake us up.  Then it's breakfast.  You have to be at the meeting room at exactly eight thirty and our supervisor takes us to breakfast.  The food is disgusting but you have to eat it.  Otherwise, They think you're anorexic.  Just eat some of it."