Over the Months (Homestuck Fan Fiction, GamTav)

Violence

A/N: Sober Gamzee isn't my forte. Tell me if Sadstuck is a good thing for me, because I'm honestly not sure if I'm good at it.

I woke up, heart pounding. And I knew something was wrong. Twisting, I noticed that my boyfriend wasn't there. Normally, he wasn't a sleepwalker, but with the way things had been going lately...

I hauled on my prosthetics and pulled a T-shirt over my head. I had a bad feeling, a rotten one, eating away at me as I carefully climbed down the stairs, and hobbled to the alleyway on my crutches.

What I saw was terrible. I stared, hoping, hoping to God it was just a nightmare. And i would wake up crying in Gamzee's arms and he would shoosh me and tell me that it was going to be alright, even though it probably wasn't. But this wasn't a nightmare. This was real life. And real life, plainly, just fucking sucks.

"Gamzee, what are you doing?" I asked quietly. Our relationship wasn't supposed to end like this. Not with pain, and heartbreak. Not like Vriska. We were supposed to have a happy ending. Our happy ending. But this wasn't happy. It was Nepeta. Her head was broken in, and her face was mutilated. Her only recognizable trait was the helmet. And my lover was hunched over her body, holding a crowbar.

"I can't, anymore, Tavros," he said, and his voice was broken, "I literally can't. There is no more motherfuckin' can for me." At this, he let out a harsh half-sob, half-chuckle. "I forgot. I forgot to take my goddamned medicine. Look where it got me. I killed Nep. I KILLED HER! I thought she was the bad guy. The floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin' hole, that's what it does to you. And that's what I told him. And I can't. I can't do it anymore."

There were tears running down my face. There was sweet girl, the girl who lived behind the dumpster because she wouldn't accept charity, sweet, cat-obsessed Nepeta, lying on the ground. And my lover was holding the instrument of murder, tears streaming down his face. Those tears matched my own. He lost it. But I still loved him, even though he had killed one of my good friends, even though he had flipped. Because even though he was making no sense, he was Gamzee.

And those were my thoughts, even though he had killed someone, even after I ran out of the alleyway, into my, into our apartment, with my legs being bleeding stumps, crying silently. Right up until Sollux called, saying that Jade had found him in the back room of Starbucks, dead, a rope around his neck. I still love him. But it hurts.