Love me, love me not(EDITING)

Chapter 8

 
              I stayed with Jennifer to help her with the baby for a two months. I haven't spoke to Connor since I told him I was pregnant, two momths ago. Nick had to stay hospitalized, but Jennifer said I could go home and get some sleep in my own bed. So, I went back home for the first time in forever, and as I walk down the hall, I hear Ashely and her group of friends snarl. Including Tess.
  "Someone went crazy as she walked the streets", Ashely glared at me then looked back at her friends.
            I hadn't stopped crying. I looked terrible, I haven't done anything normally, besides shower.
   "Maybe she went crazy because she realized the streets is where she belongs", she snorts.
  Her friends laugh, and so does Tess. I kept walking, clenching my fists together. They just kept laughing, and it made me feel stupid.
    I turn around, marching towards them, "You know what? I may have been a little crazy, but my brother had a possibility of dying, and a family friend just passed away. Sorry, that I don't care for my brother, unless I'm horny! I don't screw his best friend either whenever I want. They were my only family, and I lost them both in the same way! So, fuck all of you!"
  I got closer, and poked her chest hard, pressing in with my finger, whispering, "Unlike you, I care for friends and family, and don't use them for sex when I need something."
  I glared and walked away. I hid a smile. I looked back, still walking, put my finger on the side of my nose and said, "By the way, its noticeable, Ash."
   Ashely touched her nose, her side friends pulling out a mirror. I saw Tess force a glare at me. I grin, and run to my room. I sat down on my bed, and pulled out my laptop.
My smile went from 100 to 0 real quick. I frowned, seeing a picture of my brother and I. We got our pictures done professionally, me, on his back, in a park somewhere. We were both smiling. It was a fun day.
   I wiped a tear, and started to laugh, thinking of all the good times we had. He was there, after mom died. Dad, dad was just there, he wasn't there though. He was so different, and then he o.d. The police took nick and I away.
   My cheeks were full of tears. As soon as i shut my laptop, the door was knocked on.
  "Uh.. Coming", I glance in the mirror, wiping tears.
  It was Connor, with Emma.
  "Hi", Connor smiles.
I step away, holding the door open so they can walk through then shut it. It made me a little happy to see him, and he still had happiness in his eyes.
  "Hi", I say, plopping down on my bed.
"We brought comedies", Emma says cheesily, holding up movies.
  "Cool."
  "Cheer up Chris. Please", he frowns.
I sigh.
  "I have to go grab something, Ill be right back", he says heading out the door.
  Emma and I nodded. Emma and I stood close to the door, awkwardly.
  "He really loves you", Emma says looking down.
  I didnt say anything.
  "He talks about you nonstop."
I nod. He's all i ever talk about. We've been together for almost a month. I'm surprised he didn't break up with me.
   "And it's not fair", she looks down.
I look up, "What?"
   She looks at me, "I was there for him. I was there after every breakup, for him to tell me the drama. I listened."
                I nod slowly, "Okay........."
Why is she telling me this? She caught me off guard and she knows it. Hope already criticized me of never being there for him, for cheating, for everything.
      "The point is, I love him. More than you ever will. I wouldn't cheat, I would always be by his side."
            Something was fishy about this.
    "Are you saying I'm not there and I'm always cheating?" I growled.
                 "Why are you always so bitchy? You can't use pregnancy as an excuse, you were bitchy before you had to spread your legs for someone who was't your boyfriend."
  This started to piss me off.
             I replied without thinking, "Did you ever think 'Oh I'm the bitch in most situations?' Because quite honestly, you are. No wonder you hardly have any goddamn friends."
  Right then, the door swung open.
  "Why do you have to be a bitch back, Chris? You always have something to say, don't you?" Connor yells, his eyes glassy.
   I knew this was a trap. Of some kind. Shit, I always mess something up.
"Connor..." My voice went soft.
     I try to grab his arm, but he just keeps walking. I follow him down the hall way. He stopped, which meant, I stopped.
He looked at me.
  "The least you could do, was to go to someone who I never tried to protect you from", his voice his normal voice.
Not calm anymore, but his normal volume.
   "Emma! C'mon!"
Emma was behind me, not directly, and she walked next to Connor. I held in my tears. He just broke up with me. I think. I ran to my room, and grabbed my keys and wallet. I ran down to my car.
    I didn't stop, I drove my way to the hospital. I ran inside, to my brother's room. I was glad Jennifer wasnt there. I had to make it quick, Jennifer's stuff was in the room. My brother was asleep, and I focused on his breathing. I stood there for a moment, then sighed.  I no longer wanted to be in Miami. I no longer wanted to be here. I'm tired of always saying the wrong thing. It seems like you can never have a fresh start here.
     I went back in my car and drove to a hotel. I got a room and spent the night.
  I had an interview this morning. That I missed.
              As I walked down the hall, Emma and Conner came out from Emma's room.
  He frowned, "Chris.."
            Connor comes walking towards me. I had boxes in my arms, my hair pulled back, my sleeves up to my elbows.
   He looked so stern. So Connor looking, charming, fragile, yet so hard-core and manipulative. I'm going to miss you, Con. A shit ton.
   "Chris", he said again.
I kept walking.
   "Please Chris. I love you. I didn't mean it."
  I got to my room, unlocking it, and he follows me. Emma doesn't, thank god.
     "You can't do that to a person", I say under my breath.
  I start packing my things, putting them in boxes.
  "Do what?"
He acted so innocent. I know I fucked up, but I'm far from stooping down to Emma bitchy.
   "You can't come into someone's life, make them fall for you, then make them cut it off with a future husband. You knew I still loved him. Despite the fact that he hit me. You can't call me a bitch because you're pissed I slept with an ex that I was suppose to grow old with before we were official."
  "He was hit you Chris!"
"Because of you."
    He scoffs, "Thats not an excuse for him to hit you."
   "Oh, but me being with you, so you and your siblings can say I've been cheating on you with multiple guys?"
  He looked at the boxes, ignoring the topic, "What are the boxes for?"
"I'm getting rid of things."
         Lies.
  "Oh."
  It was silent for a minute.
                I start 'getting rid of things'. I was actually packing, I'm going to a friend's house, back home, to Seattle.
   Connor didn't need to call a bitch, for me to leave. The Smith's already done enough.  I've been planning to leave him,to leave Miami. I just wanted to wait for the right time. I knew something was different before Jennifer made me realize I was pregnant. I couldn't stand this environment anymore.
  It's not good for the baby. I had told Connor I miscarried from grief after one of my visits with my brother.
FLASHBACK TO THREE WEEKS AGO:
          "Chris! I got your call! What's wrong? Is something wrong?" Connor rushed into my bedroom, asking all these questions.
               I stand up, slowly grabbing his hands, linking them with mine, keeping my head down. We haven't spoken in four days.
"I had a miscarriage three days ago", I lie straight through my teeth.
PRESENT:
     When Zain, Hope, and Connor, would say I've been cheating, sleeping with other people, blah blah blah, that would hurt me more.
   I would never do any of those things. It is, scary to leave him, because, I don't know what he'll do. I can't be here for another second, my belly is betting bigger by the day. I've avoided sex and wore baggy clothing. Connor acted like everything was okay since I told him I miscarried, like everything was alright.
   "Do you need any help?" His voice was soft.
  I shook my head, "No, thanks."
  He nods, slowly walking out the door, like he wanted me to say something.
   "Connor."
He stops, his shoulders relaxing in relief.
   He turns around, raising his eyebrows, "Yes?"
     He looked nervous, scared almost...
I kiss his cheek, "See you, soon."
  He smiles, in relief, "Goodnight."
        I finished packing as soon as he left. I was always taught to hide the pain away with a smile. That's why Nick never showed any other emotion. Not that it matters now..
  It hurt to leave, but I'm done here. I'm using the money our parents left for us, for a penthouse in Seattle. I already have everything, I leave tonight, and only have two hours left, to be out of this apartment. My lease is up.
   I left majority of the stuff here. I only packed some clothes and the important things. I looked through the peephole, clear. I grabbed my suitcases and left. Leaving the room key above the board of the door.
    I was off to a better start.
"Alright, little one, we can do this", I rubbed my stomach.
  Today is, in fact almost 2016. Fast year, fast conclusion.
  "Chris!" I swear I heard my name, be called at softly.
  I was afraid to look back, because I would go back. It was my mind messing with me anyways. I walked on board and got into my seat on the plane. I started to have second thoughts, Connor and I didn't actually get into a fight, we just argue almost every day. He was my life, my everything, but I have to push him aside. I had too, it was way to stressful. I took out a notepad, I had to start writing.
  Dear Notepad,
It was a problem that I fixed that I now regret. I left my family, friends, everyone. Have you ever felt like you needed to leave a place for a while? Because the people there are just too complicated? Or you feel like one of the few people you trust uses you?
   I felt like the Smith family did that to me. I fell for him, I fell too fast that I didn't have time to catch myself falling. It was my fault that Gray started acting the way he did. It was because I started being distant, because Connor was my new best friend.
  I found out, that Vanessa liked Connor, which wasn't a huge deal, but I was irritated. She dates everybody.
  I only cheated on Connor because he was flirting with another women. Plus it was hate sex. we weren't the best couple.They were all prettier than me too. Now, I'm carrying Gray's child. Karma, right?
   I don't wish to ever go back to Miami. I will, one day, just to see Jennifer, Destiny, and my Brother. I feel terrible I left Jennife to take care of my brother alone, but I refuse to go back. Refuse.
   Connor...
God. I love him so much. I hate how much I love him. Yet, he accused me so many times, and he was flirting with other girls. I hated it. I hate him. I hate Miami. I hate everything there. I have to learn to hate Miami and everything thats there. I have too. Going to Seattle will be so much better, I can start completely over.
Sincerely,
Chris Black
  I look out the window. The night sky is beautiful. The moon shining, the clouds howling a dark gray. I lean back in the seat, closing my eyes. This new place, will be a great start.
___
Yea its dumb blah blah blah
But that's like the ending ish for that part i guess.