Love me, love me not(EDITING)

Chapter 20

I haven't seen Connor or talked to him since that night. He won the award, and his words were "I'd like to thank my sister for practically pushing me towards this and my inspiration." He had his eyes towards our table the whole time he said his speech, but Courtney decided to blow him a kiss anyway.
   It's only been four days. I had to pick up Dalton in thirty minutes. He's been asking for me. I miss him, but I thought it would be good for Dalton to share some time with Gray. I went ahead and got in my car, driving to Gray's place.
"I'm sorry! I forgot to call, Camren took Dalton out to an arcade. I was going to bring him to your place when they got done", He scratches his head.
He seemed like he was having a lazy day, He just wore sweatpants, thats all.
I shook my head, "Thats okay, I'll uh..see you later then."
Gray grabs my arm with a grip, "Wait."
    His voice was so low it almost sounded raspy.
I slowly look down at his hand on my arm, then my eyes trickle upwards to his eyes, "Yes?"
We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. We were statues. I search his eyes, and he seems to be doing the same. The only thing that could be heard in the whole room would be our breathing. Each breath, in and out.
He seems so perfect for the moment. I actually have no idea if you would call this a moment. I mean, all we're doing is staring at each other.
"Okay....I, uhm, better go", I clear my throat, breaking the silence, sliding my arm away.
He stiffens up, making his spine straight,. "Right, I'll drop off Dalton as soon as he gets back."
      I grin weakly, "See you later."
I start to walk out the door when he grabs my arm, pulling me back inside, smashing his lips against mine. Stop, stop, STOP. I wanted him to stop, because if he didn't, I knew I would want more.
   I get a grip on the back of his hair while he puts me up, holding me by his hands holding my upper thighs. We didn't break our kiss, we couldn't. He walks us to his room, slowly closing the door.
    He lays me back in the middle of his bed. God, yes. All the clothes seemed to be off in a flash. I shouldn't be doing this, but I know I still love Gray. The pleasure was building up within a 15 seconds. Everything was amazing until my phone started ringing.

____
Connor's POV
"Connor Michael Smith! I thought I told you to stay away from that girl!" Mom yells, following me around the house.
  "She's a woman, Mom! A better woman than you'll ever be!"
  She gasps, "Don't talk to your mother like that!"
     I roll my eyes, heading up to my room, "Whatever."
She scoffs, "You won't be saying that soon."
  I ignore her, slamming my bedroom door shut. Courtney was out shopping, she wouldn't be back for a while. What does she mean by, 'you won't be saying that soon'? I don't understand. What is she going to do? I need to know.
   I wish we didn't have her as a mother. I hate her. She's terrible. I'm not even a big fan of Dad either, he's always away on business trips. Why did I have to be dragged into this? I just wanted to go to medical school and be a paramedic.
   This family can never have what we want fully, huh? I lay on my bed, drowning myself in my thoughts.
  My phone started to buzz, so I pick up the call, "What is it, Hope? I'm drowning myself in my thoughts at the moment, so it better be important."
   "Chris just called me sobbing. She said she got a phone call saying she lost her medical license because she was doing, illegal things. If this has something to do with mom, because you saw her, I will kill you both myself", then hung up.
Fuck.
____
Chris's POV
    How the fuck did I even lose my medical license by doing something illegal? I've really only ever had speeding tickets. I should've never came back.
    Is this karma from loving two men? I'll be single for the rest of my life, if that's the case. I called Hope and told her what happened, minus the sex part. She wanted me to come over right away.
        My cheeks were so hot from crying. I waited to cry till I got in my car. I didn't want Gray to see me like this. I asked him to keep Dalton another night, and he said he would. Gray and I were fixing to have sex and my fucking phone rang. I cried my whole car ride to Hope's.
   I park in her driveway, then dab the tears under my eyes. I grab my phone and walk up to the door, locking my car.
   "Hey! Come on in", Hope sounded a little too chipper.
    I smile faintly, "You can stop using that voice, now."
"What voice?"
    "The voice that says everything is going to be okay."
     "But it will be."
I shrug, "I guess."
  We took a seat on her leather couch. I slip off my flip flops, criss crossing my legs on the couch.
    I look down at my jeans for a second, "I was having sex with Gray when they called."
  I swear her jaw dropped, "Nuh-uh."
    I nod, "Yea. It...happened...."
"Was his erection as big as you remember it? Or did he even have one? How did it even happen?" She started asking all these questions.
     I couldn't help but laugh a little, "It was going great..I have'nt had sex since..."
Woah. I haven't had sex since Connor. That..that was four years ago?
  "Since?"
I stare at her, "Since Connor."
     She starts laughing hysterically, "You're joking, right?"
  I look down, "No."
Her face got really serious, "Oh my god, you aren't joking."
   "No, I'm not."
"How many men have you slept with before him, Chris? You're hot as fuck, there had to have been more men. What about Matt? Have you had sex yet?"
    I bit my bottom lip, "I only slept with Gray and Connor. No one else."
  "Matt's pretty hot. If I wasn't going to marry Austin, I'd let him smash."
I lean back in the comforable couch and start laughing. After we had a good laugh, my face drops.
"Chris, its okay", Hope comes and sits closer to me, patting my back.
"I-It's just that I really loved Gray. I did. I swore I was going to marry him, but then I just saw Connor, and I had to go after him that night. I had an urge too. Gr-Gray hit me and it was an excuse to leave. It was a dumb excuse. Technically, he's never done it before, and that made me want to leave.
    He's a good man, and I left him. I left him! I knew Connor liked me. I c-could see it, and so could Gray. I was scared to be in another relationship to someone better than me. I knew I had a chance with him, and that's why I got so mad when he told me he was going to break up with Tessa.
        I was so mad at myself for falling for him. And now, we're here. He's married with a beautiful wife and there was no reason to come back. I just was so nervous and I wanted to puke when I saw Connor."
I kept ranting about everything. Hope just listened and that's all I needed.
"Connor and I argued so much. Gray and I never did that. I thought Connor hated me, and that's one reason I slept with Gray. I hated every moment of it, it didn't feel right. Yet, I knew I still loved Gray, but I loved Connor more.
Connor was almost my everything until I found out I was pregnant. This baby was my everything, and still is. When Dalton started to talk, his first word was 'Da-Da'. Do you know how much that killed me?
   I knew I would end up seeing Gray again. I knew I would see Connor one day, too. I felt like I fucked up when I backed into that car that day I saw you in the park. I already knew you saw me, and wherever you go, Connor usually goes. I wasn't ready, but I'm so happy I did back into that car.
     It wouldn't have led me to finally letting Gray see Dalton, or us being best friends", I faintly smile.
  "Hey.. It's alright, okay? I promise", Hope grins, and hugs me.
_______
  Seven weeks later...
Connor's POV
"Where is she?" I slam my fists down on the counter.
   "Connor, relax. We're going to find her", Hope assures me, rubbing my back.
Where could she be? It's been six weeks since I last saw her. Where is she?
  I tried so hard to get out of this marriage. I swear my mother has something to do with Chris's abduction. She doesn't want me to be with her. Gray said she didn't come pick up Dalton that night, and he couldn't get ahold of her. No one could. Why her?
   Why, why, why, why? I can't sleep, drink, or eat. Hope tells me I need to look my best when we find her, but I just can't do anything without knowing she's okay. Gray and I got closer. He actually asked if I could watch Dalton a few times. He reminds me so much of Chris, it was hard to watch Dalton at times.
    I run my hand through my greesy hair.
        "You should shower, baby. You smell terrible", Courtney comes up behind me.
  I worked with the government practically 24/7. They wouldn't dare kick me out. I'm too powerful. Too rich. They would be stupid to kick me out. We had a survilance van in the driveway of my house, showing cameras from the whole state of Florida, even Washington.
     I shook my head, "I'll take a shower tomorrow."
  "No..Come on, Con", Courtney sighs.
       "Do not call me that", I hiss.
"Con? Chris's family is here", Hope hollers, letting them back here.
   It was just Jennifer and Nick. They never brought Destiny up here, it would upset her.
    Jennifer examines all the pictures and notes we had on the walls. She shed a small tear then quickly wipes it.
   "Anything?" Nick asks me, holding Jennifer close.
   I look down, "No. I don't understand. Someone should have saw something. Anything. "
     Nick lets go of Jennifer and walks around the room, looking at everything. They come three to four times a week to check on any progress. Nick hasn't gotten any sleep and it's been hard for Jennifer.
    Jennifer and I were talking, nothing casual, more of what we planned to due to find her.
  "She ran away one time", Nick says loudly enough that made everyone go quiet.
     "What do you mean?" Hope walks closer to me, leaving Courtney in the corner.
    "She ran away and was gone for three days. It felt like forever. It wasn't long after our mom died. Dad wasn't the same, and neither was I. She was tired of all the drinking and fighting", he looks down at his shoes, his hands in his hoodie pocket.
    "Dad and I went crazy. We called the police after 24 hours. I was ready to kick someone's ass if someone touched her. I beat up kids all the time when we were little. I wouldn't let anyone be mean to her.
    How could I? She was my baby sister. I know you would do the same to Hope, Connor."
  I smile weakly, looking at Hope. I vowed I wouldn't let anyone hurt Hope. I protected Hope, Zain was the one who picked on us all the time, not the other way around.
   "Was she okay?" Hope asks.
        Nick continues, "Yea, she was okay. I almost kicked her ass for running away when the police found her in the woods, asleep in a tree. I couldn't get mad at her, I missed her too much. I-I said I could kick their ass as of whoever took her this time, but I can't. I just want her back."
    He slides down the wall, and starts crying. Jennifer sits next to him, rubbing his arm. Hope hands him tissues and I hand him a beer. I swear I will kill someone if they lays a fucking finger on her.