Bleeding Heart falls again

Chapter 3 - Life goes on

Glorious white light was shining. I could only make out the silhouette of a man-like figure, advancing towards me. I was tied up by forces unknown. I tried making some gesture to make it stop, but the figure kept its pace. It was right in front of my face, radiating a magnificent glow off 'his' face. It was a familiar man's face. Wait what Jared?

"Jared, is that you? You came back for me. I knew you would never leave me." I tried talking to him through any telepathic powers that existed in this world. He must have heard me because his voice echoed in my head, "Samantha, I am happy. Don't get upset. I'll wait for you, love. I will never stop loving you and I want you to live. Do what we planned. Have a happy life. Seeing you happy would keep me at peace. YOU HAVE TO LIVE, FOR US!"

I felt a something warm, a tingling feeling on my lips for a few seconds and then it was gone. The shimmers, the glow...gone!

I opened my eyes and once again found myself in the similar hospital surroundings.

I knew it was Jared. I could feel him. And he bid me farewell before he left. I cried, I screamed.... But no medicines that the nurses were so mercilessly forcing in my veins, could make the pain go away. Jared is dead. He left me.

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[8 months later in São Paulo]

"Julia, I need you to give a slot in our today's schedule for a surprise inspection of our main factory." Julie was trying to keep pace with my quick strides as I was continuosly rearranging our today's schedule which we usually do first thing in the morning when I reach the HQ of Winston Industries.

I opened my cabin door and seated myself at my desk. I fired up my iMac and started reviewing recent reports on the test subjects for our company's new drug.

I was now the CEO of the biggest pharmaceutical industry in São Paulo. Jared had given me his everything, even his father's company he inherited in his Will. It was doing fairly well but when I took matters in my hand, our company quickly flourished and expanded; now linked with a few other small businesses. Our scientists were currently working on a new drug which was up for testing against stroke.

Placing my latte on my desk, Julia asked, "Will that be all Ms. Winston?" I nodded, refusing to look up at her or give out any facial expressions. This was me. The new-ME. Cold, strict, punctual, not take no for an answer, didn't laugh, didn't cry. I was just living; for my family, for Mr. and Mrs. Winston and Jared.

My blackberry buzzed, reminding me of my appointment with Dr. Natalie, my psychologist. My parents had made me swear on their lives that I'll take these sessions for however long Dr. Natalie says. It was after...my husband died.

I looked up to the picture of me and Jared from our wedding, sitting blissfully on my desk. I couldn't help but smile looking at Jared's radiant smiling face.

8 months ago I got married to the love of my life. We were the perfect couple as people complimented us. It's written in the books that Wedding is the day when a girl's life changes drastically; it is that day that she finds her other half. She's bestowed upon responsibilities of the husband and the new family. It was the same for me too. I met my other half, my love, my life; it was the very same day when in the middle of the famous 'Bride-groom dance', my husband was shot and died in my arms, leaving me all alone. Yes, I was given responsibilities too, responsibility to his parents and to his business.

After his death, I was rather suicidal. I was depressed in plain words. And it made me furious whenever old ladies or my friends from college used to come visit and offer their condolences saying, 'it's going to be okay.' 'You'll get better.' 'I know what you are going through'. HOW THE HELL CAN THEY COMPARE TO WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH???

MY FREAKING HUSBAND DIED. He was only 25 and super healthy. How can I just take it like it wasn't a big deal? How can I just let it pass? How can I not hurt myself? How can I go to parties and family gatherings pretending like nothing happened?

My parents were really scared for me. My dad was even more protective now since that day after Jared's funeral when I tried to kill myself. And well, some other days when I tried other techniques to attract the Death Whisperer.

I grabbed my purse and walked out of my office in my Jimmy Choo's. Taking cue Julia stood abruptly spilling her coffee everywhere. Mumbling sorry she kept on cleaning the mess while I kept on walking towards the gate, summoning the driver to get the car. I didn't bother a glance at her.

Well, I don't care, about anybody now. I don't care what others say or feel. I know I am alive unfortunately but I am living to fulfill Jared's dream. He loved helping people. That was the reason he took up Pharmacy as a profession. He knew, being the only son his father would give him his business and he could not break his heart so he worked really hard and instead of continuing his father's financial business, he transformed it completely into a pharmaceutical industry. He would often tell me passionately whenever we used to go for a walk at our favorite street overseeing the beautiful lake back at home in Yorkshire. He would tell me how he and his team managed to form a new formula to help the kids in slums fight chest infections. And he would give out drugs free of cost to the underprivileged.

It was his passion I took up and swore to continue what he left.

I sat in my lavish car and the driver gracefully pulled us out of the driveway and to the hospital. I looked down at my hands in my lap; manicured nails and an expensive looking diamond Cartier bracelet rested on my wrist. I opened my purse and took out a mirror. Removing my Ray-Ban I examined my eyes.

Bags under eyes. Check. Not so pink nose. Check.

I just hope Dr. Natalie doesn't give me a lecture again on my sleeping habits and taking sleeping pills. God, I hate those pills. I glance out my window; São Paulo is a beautiful city. Though this is where I live now, I can never call it my home. Home is where the heart is, and well my heart...my heart was and is with Jared.

The car halted and I stepped outside. It was windy today but drizzling like it usually does. It was drizzling when I first saw Jared standing under a tree looking up at the sky while his friends kept on talking about random shit.

*HONK* *HONK*

I glared at the car driver behind me and then walked inside the hospital building towards the consulting clinics. The staff now knew me well and would greet me every time but I would just nod at them as usual.

"Is Dr. Natalie ready to see me?" I asked the old woman seated behind a huge desk scribbling something onto various sheets of paper. "Oh, Ms. Winston, how are you today? Yes, She's free you can go in now, dear", she smiled.

I knocked on the door and walked inside. I seated myself in the couch without asking her and bothering to greet her. It was my usual routine, three times a week. Though I promised my dad to attend these sessions, but not how to go about them. They were just a waste of time, if you ask me.

"Well, good morning to you too Samantha. I am fine thanks for asking", Dr. Natalie spoke sarcastically with a sad smile.