Little White Lie

Chapter 28

|28|

•Charlotte•

A scream echoed in the house and I sat up instantly in bed. Ramon cursed from the chair in my room. 

It was a nightmare. All of it. It was a nightmare. 

Mary's crying filled the house and I quickly ran out of the room, ignoring Ramon calling my name. I ran downstairs to see her sitting on the couch with her hands holding her lowered head.  I could hear the cries that escaped her. 

Blood was still on the ground. 

It was not a nightmare. 

The walls were painted with blood, keeping his memory alive as she looked up at me. "I'm so sorry." She whispered and I shook my head, glancing at the bed. 

He wasn't there. 

"Where is he?" I asked softly, stepping into the room, avoiding the blood that was coating the floor. "Where is his body?" I turned around, facing Joe who walked into the room.

"It's at the funeral home. The funeral is today, Kid. They needed the body." He explained.

Mary didn't utter a word as I glanced at her. She was crying, staring at the blood on the floor as I walked towards her. "It's okay."  I whispered to her as I knelt down in front of her, blocking her view of the blood. "Everything is going to be okay." 

I was reassuring myself. No amount of tears could ever bring him back. The pain would never bring him back. I couldn't focus on that, couldn't do it to myself. 

"He is gone, Char." She said to me softly as I reached up and wiped the tears from her face. 

Mary had been with us for a few years, constantly with us. It would hurt just as much as it hurt me. I understood. 

"We are going to see him one day again." I said to her softly, my hand instinctively reaching for the star necklace. "He is going to watch us." Shivers ran up my body as I stared at her. "Go home and get some rest. We can go to the funeral together." 

I pushed myself up from the ground and held her hand. "Go home, Mary. Rest." I told her softly as I pulled her up from the couch. She nodded, silently walking out of the room with Drew who waited near the door. 

Ramon watched me as we stood alone in a room covered in blood. "You're shutting it out." He said, walking towards me. 

"What?" 

"The pain. Everything. You're shutting it out and you're focusing on rage." He stood in front of me, his voice was soft. "Let it all in, amore. It will hurt you more later. Feel it all." He stretched his hand out, cupping my face gently as I felt his thumb stroking my cheek. "It's going to be okay." 

It would only be okay if I could find him. To make him bleed by my hands. To watch him suffer, so he would know exactly what I was feeling. 

Pain entwined with rage. 

"Talk to me, amore." There was worry in his eyes as I stared at him. 

I wanted to scream, to wake up and for the world to laugh at me telling me it was a nightmare. I didn't want to break down in tears, I didn't want the pity looks, the sadness. I didn't want anything.