Confessions of An Anxious Girl

My Letter To You

It hurts that you did it again. With the same girl. But I guess I seen it coming. Doesn't mean it hurts any less. I feel like a shitty person for hitting you. I honestly just want to stop loving you. I don't want to love you. Not anymore. It hurts. It just fucking hurts too much. I know I deserve better, and I can't figure out why I went back to you all those times when I knew I would get hurt. Every time I went back I knew you would go back to her. I could never figure out why you wanted her and not me. When she wasn't there when you would cry every time you thought you weren't good enough for life. When she wasn't the one who would talk you out of suicide every time you wanted to end all the pain and suffering.
I can't help but want to fight her, because she took you from me. The one person I've truly loved. Who I would die for. But it won't change things. You'll still want her, even if she doesn't love you. Even though she's talking to other guys. She'll never love you as much as I do.
In the past year, that slap is the only thing I've ever done to hurt you physically and emotionally. I think I've finally given up. On you. On us. Even though I want nothing more than for you to hold me, it'll never happen, because I'm not her. I'll never be her. And you will never want me like you want her.
I just gotta let go. It's gonna hurt like hell in all honesty. Because every time I try to move on, you like to come back. You like to tell me that you love me. That she was a mistake. That you'll never hurt me again. That we're forever. But they're all lies. That's all you do, is lie to me. Why do you do that? Why do you continue play with my emotions? Why can't you let me move on? Why can't you let me find love? Someone that wants me, and loves me. Someone that will never even think about hurting me. I don't want to love you anymore. I don't want to allow you to hurt me again. I wish you would understand that. Instead of thinking I'll always come back. That I'll always love you no matter how many times you fuck up. But I'm done. This time it's really the end. I'm not going back. Even though my heart is disagreeing with my head. I won't do it to myself again. We're on and off but this is me breaking that habit. I'm tired of repeating the same shit. This is me saying goodbye.
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A/N: I wrote this about my on again off again boyfriend. We're not together anymore. Of course. This came straight from the heart. I know some of you guys can relate to it. I hope y'all liked it. If you ever need someone to talk to just inbox me. I'm always here! 😘❣