Confessions of An Anxious Girl

My Letter For Him

When you left it hurt more than you'll ever know. Whether you meant to hurt me or not, I'll never know. At first I didn't care that you left because I'm used to people coming and going all the time. It took six months for me to realize I lost my best friend and that's when a deep depression began.

I had many thoughts of worthlessness and the never ending feelings of loneliness. I trusted you with my darkest secrets and nine months later you were gone. I loved you more than I had ever loved anyone before you. And you just left me for her...

For awhile I tried my hardest to forget you ever meant anything to me or that you even existed. But in my darkest hours you crept back into my head and there you stayed until I was able to meet someone who understood my pain and what I was going through.

Recently I made contact with you after us not talking for over two and a half months and I had plans to let you know everything you did to me and how badly you hurt me when you abandoned me. In a way I saw it as revenge. But when you answered my text message and we caught up I was able to get a glimpse of your current life. A change came over me and I no longer had any hatred towards you or what you did to me.

All this time I hated you for fucking  with my emotions and making it harder for me to trust people.  But when I actually talked to you, something clicked in my brain. Yes, you hurt me worse than anyone on this planet, and maybe I was right to be mad at you for a time. But you didn't force me to push myself away from social interactions, you didn't force me to start hating myself. I need to take responsibility for the actions that have forsaken me these past six months.

I've finally made peace with you and with myself and I think I'm ready to move one and find love again.