Confessions of An Anxious Girl

Everyday

Everyday I have to remind myself to take my Abilify and Buspar as soon as I wake up. And everyday I have to fight the horrible urge to go back to sleep after I take it. But I would rather fight that urge everyday over the aching urge to take a blade to my arm and watch my ivory skin slowly turn the beautiful crimson red color that I miss so much. I would rather be sleepy the first hour or two of my day, over feeling so numb that I desperately want to feel something. Even if that feeling just so happens to be pain. Because at least that is something. Everyday I have to remind myself that I am not crazy, my brain is just wired differently from most people. Everyday I have to repeat to myself, "I can get through today. I WILL BE OKAY!" I know that it's okay not to be okay, but I HATE the feeling of not feeling or being okay. So everyday I tell myself "You're okay." Even and especially on the days I KNOW I am not okay.