Confessions of An Anxious Girl

Best Friend

Have you ever been so depressed that you can't feel anything? Where you can't think straight. Your thoughts are a jumble of mixed emotions and you're not sure what to do? Me too.....

Whenever I get this bad I usually just blast my music and close my eyes. I concentrate on the lyrics and what they mean rather than getting lost in my dark, evil thoughts. I keep my music so loud that I can't hear anything but the song I'm listening to. I never take my headphones out when I'm this bad. I just stay in my bed and listen. I don't see the point in going out with friends because I don't want to drag them down with me. This is my healthy coping skill. I don't always use this skill...

My usual way of dealing with my depression when it gets bad isn't what the doctors call "healthy." The skill I use is what my therapist tells me will get me sent to a psychiatric hospital. But I don't care because it helps when things get bad. When I can't control my emotions I turn to my best friend. No it is not a person. My best friend is an object. It makes me bleed. It gets all the bad thoughts and feelings out of me by cutting me open and making them bleed out. My best friend is a razor. That shiny, silver, metal helps me cope with the worse possible things. Like the death of my friend. Or the breakup of my one true love. This small object has helped me through all the trials of my life. My therapist says I'll be fine if I can just stop the cutting. Get rid of my blade. But how can I leave behind the one true friend who has always been there when I need them most??......