Confessions of An Anxious Girl

Happy Pill

I take pills on a daily basis to help my brain. You see, these pills, they're supposed to make my brain function normally. They work, for the most part. But some days, my brain wins the battle with the pills. Those are the bad days. On these days my head tends to wander to a not so happy place. A place where razor blades and suicide dance around every corner. A place I really can't afford to visit anymore. On the bad days I just blare music to drown out my thoughts. Because if I can't hear them, then I can't act on them. On the days that my pills actually work, the good days, my head is full of calming things. Thoughts of happiness and peace. I enjoy these thoughts because on the days the happy thoughts dance around my brain, I can manage to get out of bed and be productive. But to be completely honest, with there being more good days than bad, I sometimes get into a mood where I do miss tue place where razors and suicide are always an option. Only because what I really miss is the release that the razor gives me that I know my pills could never give.