The Relationship Status: The Big Day (2)

Stephanie

Ok, this is the day where I can finally take a sec to get organized with Jennifer and Jordan is joining us...and so is Donnie... I don't even know how he ended up joining our "get together" but my stomach dropped when I saw Donnie smiling as he talked to Jordan as they walked inside Starbucks. He looked so floaty, though... Like, he acted like the time we kissed for the first time in a while just a few months ago... I felt a flashback of when Donnie started to like me in 8th grade and I got that nervous feeling inside that I was all too familiar with. But this time, I didn't like that feeling. I seriously don't want Donnie to hear squat of what I'm trying to tell Jennifer. She suggested to sit on the high chairs in the corner while the boys sat across the room on the couches, so they would be as far away from us as possible. Once in a while I'd eye them to see if Donnie ever looked at us just in case if he was suspicious, but the whole time he kept smiling at me while he talked to Jordan. I love Donnie like he doesn't even know, but sometimes he concerns me...
I looked like a mess from not being able to sleep last night. I was due for a fresh cup of coffee at Starbucks anyway, but now Donnie was just making me feel even more paranoid. My permed hair looked frizzier than usual, I was wearing grey sweatpants with a matching hoodie, and my makeup looked a little too natural... And on the way out I slipped on some beat up black Chuck-T's. But he was still gawking at me like I was wearing a bikini or something.
Jenn did the talking for me, which was a good thing because I wanna save my breath for when I wanna spit everything out that keeps crushing my brain activity, "Ok, so Steph and I are gonna sit over here and chat while you guys hang over at the couches, kay?"
Jordan looked at Jennifer puzzled, "But I thought we were all gonna sit toge-" She gave him a death stare and he quickly got the hint. "Oh yeah! Donnie, I wanted to talk to you for a sec..." And that drove them away. Thank God! I'm just a little worried about what Jordan wants to talk to him about... But before a million questions could pop into my head, Jennifer already takes me over to the high chairs and round table.
She starts off with, "So, let's start get down to business. What is the thing that seriously makes you concerned if you leave?"
I just spit out, "YOU GUYS! If I go, there are so many things I feel like would go wrong if I leave. I dunno if Donnie would still be interested in me. I dunno if you find someone else and I have to talk you out of it-"
She stopped me right there, "Ok, you don't need to worry about that! Jordan and I care about each other so much-" She took a pause, "But we all will miss you..."
I got a little annoyed, "Crap, Jenn! I'll miss you too, but I don't wanna hear that..."
She looked at me like I was a maniac. I mean, apparently my body wanted to have an all-nighter last night due to stress. I couldn't help it. I was leaving in less than a month. What else was I supposed to think about? Even if though there probably is other stuff to think about, I my a in couldn't shift gears. I was scared and frustrated. My brain knew I had to go if I wanted to start my career, but my heart was pulling me so much more than my brain­­-and my heart always thought about all of the people I cared about. This is why I had to talk to Jenn. I figured she would be able to help with my decision. But she just told me the same thing I told myself: "If the con is outbalancing all of the pros, then you shouldn't do it."
Less than a month. I have less than a month to think about my final decision or else the whole thing will blow over. I dunno how long I've been having this knot in my stomach. Since the first interview? I think I might be having another one today... I don't feel great. I don't feel like going. I don't wanna go anywhere. I just wanna fast forward to a couple of months just to see what happens. And maybe in a couple of months things will get better. If I make my final decision. And one of them has to be a good decision.
I look at her straight in the eyes. But when I do, I feel tears starting to well up and trickle down my dark circles, "Jenn, I'm scared. I really am. I feel like something will happen and... I'll miss it. Or something will happen to you and I won't be there to congratulate or feel sorry for you."
Jennifer looked sincere and then her face turned serious, "Ok, for real now. It's a simple yes or no answer. Do you want to go or not? Just say the first thing that pops into your mind."
I hesitate, "Um..."
Jenn starts raising her voice, "Just say it!"
"I dunno!" Why is this so hard?
She starts yelling now, "YES OR NO?"
"NO!" The place went silent for a few seconds to stare at us, and then it went back to loud chatter. I think I made her jump, and I might've scared myself. But to be honest, there is still this small part of me that thinks I should go... Ok, if something comes up where I feel like I need to get outta Boston, then I'll go. And that's what I told her, and she felt it was fair enough.
Jordan came over to our table to check on us and the knot in my stomach felt stronger. I was worried because I didn't want to know if he told Donnie anything.
"Jordan, what are you doing here?" I grit through my teeth.
"Oh yeah, I went to go get a cup of coffee. And I wanted to let you know... Donnie is acting weird! Like, rediculous. All I gotta say is, Stephanie your boyfriend loves you. A lot. Now if you'll excuse me..." He get's in line to get some Starbucks coffee.
I turn my head back to Jenn and she just smirks at me. I tilt my head to the side in confusion, "What?"
She immediately stops smirking and says, "Oh, nothing. I just thought Jordan looked extra cute today since his hair looks extra poofy, too." Is she hiding something?
I look around the room for a sec and my eyes draw to Donnie. He shines a big bright smile toward me and waves. Please, Lord, Jordan is nice person, but I don't know if we need two of them... I try to wince back and quickly turn my head toward some other direction before Donnie scares me. Jennifer and I watch Jordan getting his coffee.
He talks to the cashier as he takes his coffee, "Thank you!" And as he bobs off, he unknowingly walks into one of the narrow sides of the coffee house and so was another Starbucks worker... And the worker was carrying a big tray of glasses and a pitcher of freshly brewed coffee.
It felt like when you sit across a room and you see a book about to fall off a shelf; You want to run and save it, but you know by the time you run over to the book it'll be on the floor and make a loud noise as it gets in contact with the floor.
That's what it was like with Jordan. All Jenn and I could do was cringe at Jordan bumping into the employee and watching him drop all of the glasses onto the floor, making the loudest breaking sound you will ever hear in a coffee house. The whole place went dead silent. Way more silent than when I yelled and stayed silent longer, too. And as the glasses broke the pitcher of coffee went all over the worker and started screaming toward the men's room. Jordan just stood there wide eyed with his mouth hanging open.
He looked all around the room and then said, "Don-nie!" And he ran to the back where the couches were. My eyes looked over at him and he looked like he was in a daze like he was in a boring classroom-Except, he was smiling at me. He looked straight at me and smirked with his hand on his chin. And now that I think about it, he was doing that the whole time we were here! This is freaky. And then I looked back at Jenn thinking about London again. Even when the word "London" gave me a knot in my stomach. I was starting to get tense again with all of this stuff happening around me.
Jennifer looked at me, "Steph? You don't look so good. Are you ok?" The walls felt like they were closing in. The world looks like it's spinning. I looked back at Donnie who smiled at me. I couldn't take it anymore. Tears filled in my eyes and I ran its there to wear I just started crying outside the front of Starbucks.
"Stephanie! Wait! What's wrong?" Donnie ran out and called to me.
I realized that I was about to spit out everything about Jenn and I's conversation about London. And I saw how sincere he was looking at me. Donnie wanted to legitimately help me. Instead, I was even more stressed out that I couldn't tell him and looked up at him teary eyed and say, "I... I dunno anymore!" And I run off.