Until I see you again

Missing

    It's all mixed up in my head, as if it's a group- a system. The memories, the flashes of lightning, the man I can only faintly remember, all being mashed together, being used against me. A curse, a curse no one could ever imagine going through. But these memories, running continuously throughout my mind, memories about him.
    I can't help but think why I still believe he's out there. Why I still believe his name wasn't said a million times on the news.
    His voice. His face. His actions. I remember how just a simple touch of his hand would drain every bit of fear from my body I had mustered in that moment. I'm oblivious to knowing where he is, yet I feel as if he isn't six feet below. I was safe with him. I was comfortable with him.
    His soothing voice. His soft skin. His warm breath. I can feel it. Hitting every inch of my body covered in skin like a heatwave from the south, I'm left in a draught when he lingers. But when they regain strength, I'm refilled, with more than water, adrenaline.
   For several days I've felt this sensation, but when I open my eyes, he's gone. He was never truly there in the dark room of which I sat in. Alone. My memory fades as hours turn to days and days turn to weeks, and the sensation of his lips fades like the happiness that came with it.
    The images. The sounds. The smell. The feeling. I need to remember. I need to put things in order right up to this very moment. I need to remember who I am. Who I was. Who I am yet to be. How his disappearance led to changing my world.
   If I had to start looking for him.
   I might as well start here.