Borderline Personality Poetry

BPD

"How does it feel? Describe the feeling?"

It's a burning feeling, like my insides are burning and my lungs are disintegrating and I can't breathe.

It's a blinding feeling, the tears welling up and I can't see a thing.

It's all the tension, the tension is so thick that I can't think.

It's a speech problem, I have a speech problem because I say things that I don't mean. Like bloody oceans of bruises spilling off of my lips.

Blood, it's a thirst for blood. It's a thirst for that feeling you get when you have dry mouth but it's dry skin and what you're really thirsting is for the blood that runs into your bath water when you take that precious knife into your precious skin.

It's a feeling of incompleteness. Like you need someone to fill the hole in your heart like that hole in your skin, someone to understand and someone who really wants to stitch up all your cuts with words of relief.

I need someone to understand but they never will because they aren't suffering from this. It's so rare to find someone who will understand me.

And when I finally find that someone I like to push them away, like when I push my toxic words out of my mouth to push them out of my life.

And I tell everyone they are the reason.

that's the reason I'm so incomplete.

But they all say "all teenagers go through this".

I wish you would eat those words and puke them out because those words are not true. No other teenager understands this. It's teenage hormones times 100.

And no this is not normal.

They say that it's a phase and I'll get over it. But I've been this way all my life.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

-----
I feel like all my free writes are so sloppy. I write all of my poems while I'm having episodes, and during episodes I can't think straight.

So.

Forgive me