Borderline Personality Poetry

Lonely

I found a hydrocodone pill on my floor today

I kept it in a safe place just in case I feel like not feeling again

All I do is feel emotions like electricity

coming down on me in a notion for me to hurt my own being

That's just something I've thought about

laying here all day waisting my life away

No one is going to reel my beckon

And I find my death to threaten at the back of my mind

I'm so restless I haven't slept in so long

I'm so full of emotion

Awkward "I hate you"'s almost bursting at the seems as I try to look into your captivating eyes

How dare you look at me like that when you know what you have done

You've just about earned my shun

They call my medication Lithium

I put on a show in front of my family, laughing like a coward

"What an improvement that medication has had on you"

If only you knew

About the multiple times I've stayed up all night crying,

pretending to be asleep when you open my door to wake me up

I get so anxious when you bring people over

almost as if my body is in shock

I freeze up and stutter my words

And you get angry at me for "not talking" or "being rude"

I try to explain to you my condition but you turn away saying,

"you could have at least tried"

Do you know how many times I've hurt myself because of those words?

My best friend tells me "You need to be more social"

I need to?! I FUCKING NEED TO?!

At this point I'm crying I thought she understood I thought since she was my best friend she understood

She didn't understand

What it felt like to stand alone what it felt like to know that no body will ever have the audacity to come up and maybe start a conversation

I'm just lonely.

I so fucking lonely.

Stuck inside my own head

Clouding myself with thoughts of nothing but "nothing" seems so vivid at this point

It seems like it's the only thing that makes since is "nothing"

I need to feel nothing

I want death

......