Indecisive (COMPLETED)

Chapter 1 - Moving Day

Dear Internet Diary,

Moving day is finally here, I can't wait to get out of this unbearable city. The people here don't care about you or your feelings; all they care about is how much smack they can say about you without you noticing. I can't wait to leave Beaumont, Texas, and never come back. No more fake friends. No more hushed rumors of my past. No more people reminding me of the torment I lived through. No more!

I am leaving this godforsaken city and I'm never coming back! This year everything will be different. This year everything will be better and I'll be safe. I'm going to college, where I'll be surrounded by different people, in a completely different city, and the best part of it all is that I might actually get the chance to make some real friends.

As I pack the last few boxes, I start to feel a bit emotional about leaving my home, but I don't regret it for a single second. I call it my home, but it never really felt like one. All the memories that I'll be leaving behind only increase my eagerness to leave. *Sigh* "Finally," I say aloud. I can't wait to rid myself of all the memories that come and go. I was never the strings attached kind of girl anyway, but just knowing that this time tomorrow I'll be living in my dorm fills my heart with much-needed warmth.

I call over one of the nearby movers and ask him if he could take my box. He gives me an odd smirk before he nods and takes my box away. As uncomfortable as that made me feel, I shrug it off and scan the room once more. In a couple hours, I will be living in Belton, Texas and I'll be free from this hell. That is where my new life begins, and where my past won't dare follow me.

The thoughts of what happened little under two years ago swarms back into my head, as my body shivers in response. "He's gone," I breath out heavily. "He's not coming back. He can't hurt me anymore," but I can't help this feeling that that's far from the truth. The memory of him is sewn into everything around me. He's still everywhere I go, and no matter how much I try to fight it, he always manages to come back.

I remember coming home the night after my abduction. I'd spent the whole day at the police station. I was questioned by every single person at that the station. I spoke to the sketch artist and did my best, but since there wasn't much to go on, he couldn't make much of a sketch. After that, I was introduced to Dr. Matthews. That day, or night, (I can't remember the time at which time I made this vow) I swore that I would never go somewhere alone unless there was an audience.

I cower a bit at the memory of what happened both, during that month and that day at the station. I can still hear the rattling of my chains as I tried to loosen their unwavering grip on my wrists. I can still smell the stuffy air in the interrogation room at the police station. Never again, I promised myself. Never again.

I recall the one piece of advice Dr. Matthews told me to perform, every time my anxiety started to act up, during our first encounter. She said, "Every time Mr. Blue starts to haunt your mind. Take a deep breath, hold it for 4 seconds, and release it for 8 seconds. Then say, 'This time I'm in control. This time, I no longer have an Albatross around my neck.'" And with that, my fears began to dissipate.

Sincerely,

Melody N. Ravenna

P.S. After our discussion at the police station, Dr. Matthews and I hardly ever mentioned him again.

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