authors note: hey everyone, i know that i literally take 10 years to update every chapter and its really weird to think that when i started this fanfic, zayn was in the band?!?!/!flkelefw anyways, were just gonna forget about him, okay? i tried to make it a thing when like i left him on the island (lol) but i just don't feel like dealing with him lmao. SO THERES NO MORE ZAYN IN THIS FANFIC. THIS IS THE OTRA TOUR TIMES OKAY THANKS <3
ALSO this chapter has some more graphic parts to it that could be triggering.
"You don't seem to be showing any improvement."
I didn't respond. I tried to sink lower in my chair, wanting to disappear entirely. My stomach turned and I felt as if I could be sick any second.
"I can't higher the dose on your meds anymore, it would be unsafe." He clicked his pen a couple times before scribbling something down on the notebook in his lap. Oh how I would love to see what was in that mysterious notebook. That notebook sat with me during every session, it's seen and heard my worst and best times. "All I can tell you sweetie, is to hold in there. You're strong, I can see it in you. You just have to find something that makes you happy, you can't keep isolating yourself from the outside world."
I hadn't mentioned anything about Harry to Dr. Evans because it all seemed like a distant memory to me now. It's been almost two weeks since my time in New York with him, and we've only ever spoken once after that. I had just graduated high school this past week, and I was more than thrilled to be out of that hell-hole. Not being picked on for five out of the seven days of the week might just lighten my mood.
"Got it, Doc." I said, wanting to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. He looked up from his notebook and smiled at me, shaking his head.
"You're gonna be okay, kid. I'll see you in two weeks." He stood up from his chair so I did the same, we shook hands and I got the hell out of there. I dug in my sweatpants pockets searching for my keys and finally made it to my car. I sat for a minute in silence, taking deep breaths, thinking of what to do next. I could go home and sit in my room for the rest of the summer, or I could do something with my life for once. The second option sounded appealing for about 30 seconds, but then I started the car and headed home.
I almost became physically ill when I heard the first couple seconds of "Story Of My Life" come on the radio. I changed the station as quickly as I could. The thought of the boys made my stomach do flips. Not because I hated them, it was actually far from that. I wasn't upset with Harry because he hasn't bothered to contact me at all, I was upset with myself. I was so naive to think that Harry and I actually had some sort of friendship blossoming. I was an idiot to think that Niall had ever cared about me, and even worse, I was an idiot for spilling my guts to him. I wasn't angry at them for not caring, I was angry at myself for thinking they ever did.
I don't blame a single one of them for never bothering to see or talk to me again, especially Harry. I ruined everything. Me. All my fucking fault. The envy running through my veins made my scars itch. I took one hand off the steering wheel and grabbed the opposite wrist, it was still sore from recent damage. My blood was boiling.
I barely made it inside my empty house before hot tears started to fall down my face. I clenched my teeth and fists, trying the hardest I could to keep it all in, to store all the emotions away. I slammed my bedroom door behind me, taking deep breaths.
"Dont. Cry." I said to myself through gritted teeth. My vision was blurred with tears so I wiped them away. My lips were quivering, as was my entire body. It was taking all my strength to hold everything in. I walked into my bathroom and stared at my reflection, hard. My blue eyes were bright and icy, something that always happened when I cried. My chest shook as I took deep breaths. I was distracted for a moment when I heard my phone vibrate. Considering no one ever texted me, it had to be something important. I bit down on my lip to stop the quivering and retrieved my phone.
