My head was throbbing when I woke up. I dragged myself to my bathroom, my eyes were red and puffy, I looked sick, and I felt sick. When I checked my phone it was 3pm, I had two texts from my mom and Erin.
Erin was just checking in on me, and asked if I wanted to hang out, which I politely denied considering my current emotional state.
My mom said something along the lines of 'you need to lose your attitude by the time I come back from food shopping'
After reading that I quickly texted Erin back asking if I could stay at her house tonight. If my mom wasn't going to let me go to Sweden, I had to go through Erin. Within minutes I had all my stuff packed and threw it into the backseat of my car.
The entire way to Erin's I had a nervous knot in my stomach. I was praying to any God above that my plan would work out.
"Emily! What's the emergency?" Erin greeted me at the door and helped to carry her bags up to her room.
Then I spilled my heart out to her, she the only person I felt I could completely trust at the moment, I told her everything. About the cruise, about Niall, Louis, Liam and Harry. I told her about Derek and what he did to me. I told her about the weekend in New York with Harry. And everything in-between leading up to my invitation to Sweden.
By the time I finished my story, I was crying a river.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." She gasped, her mouth hanging wide open.
"I wish I was." I said, crying even harder. Erin did the best she could to calm me, wrapping her arms around me until my sobs turned into silent streams.
"I-I'm sorry Emily but I don't understand completely." She said, shaking her head. She pulled away, her hands on my shoulders. "You have everything you've ever wanted in the palms of your hands, why are you so upset? You look terrible Em."
I shook my head at her, rubbing my eyes. "Everything up here," I said, pointing to my head, "is telling me to be sad, to be scared. It's telling me that everyone hates me, that Harry hates me. That this is all an act of pity. But theres something else here," I said, grabbing at my chest, "that still fucking has feelings for him!"
"Emily, it's you're depression talking. You can't let it take control of you."
"Easy for you to say." I scoffed, falling back on her bed.
"Sorry. I know I shouldn't be talking, I'm doing my best."
"I know, I know." I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Hey." Erin whispered, lying down next to me. "Tell me your plan for Sweden, what can I do to help?"
"I have to be at the airport tomorrow afternoon, if you could drive me that would be amazing. I'll just tell my mom I'm staying at your house for a few days. If she calls you or your parents to verify, please cover for me. I shouldn't be in Sweden long."
"I'll try my best." She said. "But I'll only do it if you promise me one thing."
"Anything." I regretted those words the second they came out of my mouth. I really couldn't promise her everything.. it just wasn't possible.
"You start taking your meds again."
That's what I was scared of.
"I-I can't do that Erin." I shook my head, hiding my face.
"Yes you can. And you have to. Do you know how sick you can get? I think it has already started taking its effect, you sound like you have the flu Emily, it's bad. It's only worsening your mental health, weakening your body. You're strong Em, but without your meds you're going to relapse." My heart was beating a mile a minute as she glared at me with tears in her eyes.
