My Rules

chapter 41

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I wanted to do a christmas special but I coudnt finish it....

Anyways, PLEASE READ THE AUTHORS NOTE BELOW WHEN DONE!

And if I dont make it witha. Chapter this year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Question to you: what will you do different in 2016?

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how hard can it be? How impossible is it? How do peaple not realise that I'm just a human on this big world, one of the millions, I mean billions! I lived a long shitty life, with shitty moments in it but great ones too. Most of my past exist from beautifull memories, full of joy and happiness which I shared with my mother. But how would they know? How could they ever think about it when a small piece of my life was taken by an abusive dad?!

the answer is not.

they only see a girl who is broken, no they wont ever think you heal and they wont ever think you were once happy. the only thing they could see was your pain.

I don't understand peaple, so full of life and emotions, so full of smart ideas and friendships! but no, if one thing happens you have none of them. Friends thinking that they are dumb and shoul've known, but they didnt so they are not good friends anymore. Bye friendship. No parents to hold you in their arms and say they love you. Bye love. They think that you're always buzzy with doing things for the abuser and would never think, your brains stop working. Bye smart ideas. And as last; no emotions. Peaple think if you dont have anything to hold on, no friends, no love, no feelings.

you. are. numb.

so it doesnt matter anymore what they do, I mean why would they? you are numb anyways, an insult or two couldnt make anything worser. right?

right.

so thats why I never told anyone. yes, I was affraid of my dad getting angry and that anything would happen to him. But the fright peaple would see you different then you are, is even more in the game. Peaple can hurt you because of what happened and peaple can insult you because of how you are unloved.

and on moments like this, I regret with every fiber in my body that the truth was spoken.

"Tini, I didnt mean it like that" Jorge spoke as he took a step closer to me, his hand running trough his hair that has gone messy of the manny times he did that. "fuck" he mumbled under his breath "Tini I swear-" I cut him off

"jorge" he shut his mouth immidetly as I gave him a pleading glance "please dont make promesses you know you cant keep, this who you are, I understand. this is how your life has looked like. All dangerous and murderous" I smiled small to him as he visibly relaxed "thats how you are, your life"

"I didnt mean a word I said" he whispered

"I know Jorge, and I believe you" I bit my lower lip "but you said them"

"Martina I-"

"I understand Jorge and I respect your way of living your life. I mean you only have one, right?" he nodded "but if you keep doing things that are stupid and hurt peaple, somethimes a sorry isnt enough"

"I know and-"

"this time it is Jorge, but I dont like taking risks. I like to keep myself safe"

"and I can keep you. I promess Tini" his pleading eyes never leaving mine. pleading to dont leave him, not when he just got me. "please. one more chance" come on Martina! man up! say no! say fucking piniata no! he will only hurt you more! you can do it the only thing you have to do is say-