The Typical Insanity

great, I look like Nepali mountain guide.

I wake up standing in front of a door. Well, not so much wake up in a physical sense, it's more like Nemo wakes up and Rien goes back to sleep except that damn idiot doesn't actually go to sleep. I recognize the door as my apartment and fumble around my coat for the keys. Only, I'm not wearing my coat, I'm wearing a black hoodie.

"Did we buy this, Rien?"

"See, the thing is, wallets are this precious commodity with equally precious items within it so I just assumed it would be better to preserve the pre-"

"Here's the other thing Rien," I close my eyes and feel a headache coming on, not another migraine thank God, just sheer pain borne from annoyance. "Assumptions come from thinking and what did I tell you about your thoughts?"

"That I wasn't supposed to act on them and that we should only follow yours." Really, he's like a moping, petulant child.

"So did we purchase this item of clothing or not?"

"We borrowed it, that's a virtuous enough thing to do, right?"

"For Pete's sake, Rien! It was a simple 'yes or no' question and even then you couldn't even tell me the truth! So basically, I'm now a thief?"

"Hey, it's not the worst thing you've done."

I was even more pissed off at the fact that he was right.

"Alright, alright, just, no more petty crimes. I've got enough on my back, I don't need fat donut-eating cops on my trail, okay? Did you take care of the messy stuff?"

"Yup, there's not a speck of evidence left and as far as anyone else is concerned, Stan's taking an impromptu trip to Las Vegas to burn his cash away. There's also no traces of you left anywhere in a 50 meter radius of, everywhere. Congratulations, Moe, you are now officially a ghost."

"I have no idea how good of news that is but it's fine for now. Keys?"

"They're with your petite French fry, just ring the bell and voila, it's like your personal French Maid!"

"First, I don't really like your implications and second, what's your problem with Clementine? She's a nice girl."

"So you keep saying but," his shoulders slouch. "It was supposed to be the two of us, just you and me."

"What do you me-"

The door opens suddenly and I see Clementine peep out from behind.

"Oh it's just you! Oh my God, Nemo, you have no idea how worried I was! First I heard lots of yelling from the floor above us and then the phone lines got cut for some reason!" I follow her in, expecting a mess in the house. Turns out the house is untouched and yet I still got stuck with a mess, a hot mess.

Clementine looks like she's been crying her eyes out, red rimmed pupils with eye makeup running and all. And then there's this crazed look in her eyes.

"Clementine, what's wrong? Did something happen? No one broke in or anything, right?"

She can barely shake her head without bursting into more sobs. How do you deal with crying women? Do I tell her that everything's going to be alright? What if I buy her something pretty? Would diamonds help? Where can you buy diamonds that don't make a dent in your life savings? Where do you even buy diamonds in general? Where the hell is Rien when I actually need him?

"It's okay, Clem, just calm down, nothing's going to hurt you now, okay?"

She sniffs a bit before nodding slightly and then all of a sudden she's got her hands around my waist. How this happened, I don't know, what I should do about it, I still don't know. Damn it, Rien, I need someone to blame so I'm blaming you. Hesitantly, I pat her back softly, hoping to God this is enough to calm a woman. I want to focus on making her feel better, I really do but I keep getting distracted by the fact that she's right there, right in front of me, holding me like she's drowning and I'm her only buoy. I was so distracted by the smell of the beach that I almost missed her speaking to me.