The Typical Insanity

T H I S I S N ' T Y O U

It's still raining when I open my eyes.

Except this time I'm standing in front of a church.

I recognise it as St. Patrick's Cathedral, mainly because I've driven past it a thousand times going to work. I stand there, watching the rain hit the carved doors of the church until one of the doors open slightly.

"Will you be coming in, son, or would you prefer to stay drenched in the rain" The voice is faintly heard from behind the door. Silently I walk into the cathedral, why? I don't know why.

Inside, there's a small old man, a priest I assume judging by the robes. His face is wrinkled but there's this happy feel from him that just makes him seem so much more youthful I guess.

"Now young man, what is it that you're doing outside a church at this time and weather?"

"I, I don't know."

He looks at me, his face practically radiates kindness.

He puts his hand on my shoulder. "Well then, let's try to figure out why you'd want to come to church. We can take a seat if you'd li-"

"Actually, I think I know what I want to do."

"Okay, what is it that you want, son?"

"I'd like to make a confession."

"Ah, alright. To the confessional then." He says with a smile.

He shows me the way to the small booth and enters into the first compartment. I go into the second and kneel. I assume we have to kneel given the lack of height in the midget sized booth. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know why I was even doing this, it's been years since I went to church and I was never very religious to begin with. I wonder why Rien allowed this, it always seemed like he was awfully antireligious, what's going on? Should I speak now? How should I speak? I decide it would be best to whisper considering what this confessional booth is for.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." That's what they say in the movies right?

"Tell me, son, what is it you'd like to pay penance for?"

"Well, it's a bit complicated really. I've been thinking of everything I used to want to be, thinking of everything I thought I am and well, I couldn't think of anything. And then, I tried to someone else but nothing seemed to change, and I know now this is who I really am."

"Who exactly would that be?"

"In my head, I call him Rien. But then I learnt that Rien literally meant nothing in French, and then I realised that he really was me because I am nothing."

"I don't understand, how does this relate to what you've done? What have you done?"

"Why, I've committed the greatest injury to a person. It says that in the bible right? Under the Ten Commandments? Right after thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain?"

"Wh- what are you going on about?!"

"I could say lots for you but this is my confession. Murder. I've committed murder. Thrice. Well, thrice as far as I know because Rien won't let me know these things most of the time."

"You should be turning yourself in!"

"I really do want to."

"Good. We must pay penance for the crimes we commit."

"Yeah, but see the thing is, that's not exactly what I wish to atone for."

"Hm? Then what is it?"