The Drummer's Heart (Son of Christian "CC" Coma)

➳ Chapter 32 - Its My Fault

****Its about to get emotional, so brace yourselves.****

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[Cayden's POV]

We soon left the MDE house after breakfast and went back home, Callie greeting me as i walked through the door.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Dad asked as he sat on the couch.

"Well...." I asked. "I'm worried about you."

His eyebrows scrunched together. "What do you mean?"

"Its just... You've seemed so upset lately, and.... I'm worried about you," I said.

He was quiet... looking down at his lap for a second.

"Did... Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

He immediately shook his head, his hand on my shoulder. "No no no, you never did anything wrong."

I sighed with relief, nodding.

"Its just.... Everytime I look at you..... A horrible guilt hits me in the chest, and... I remember your mother..."

I was quiet as I gulped.

"After she left me, I just... I tried looking for her, hoping she was okay, and that we could be together," he said. "Cayden... I loved your mother... More than anything..."

My eyes widen.

"As my career grew, I would always look for her, hope someone knew anything about her," he said. "I then kind of thought maybe it wasn't meant to be, and kind of slowed my search, since I still wanted to make sure she was okay."

"You.... Never stopped looking?" I asked.

"No... Not until a year after joining Black Veil Brides did I stop, praying that she was safe and happy wherever she was, since I already looked all over for her," he said, tears forming in his eyes.

I frowned a little as I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Then I got that call from the social worker, saying that you existed... that your mom died..." he said. "Only that I could think after that was that I should have never stopped looking for her.

"But, that wasn't your fault," I said. "You didn't know I existed, and you still looked as much as you could. You have no idea how much that means to me, that you still worried everyday for my mom."

He sighed and pulled me into a hug, and I hugged back.

"I just wish I found you guys sooner.... Maybe then Josie would be okay... Not where she is now," He mumbled. "She didn't deserve to die like that. And I don't deserve a son as great as you."

I looked up at him, frowning. "Don't say that. You're a good dad. You care about me like mom did, or like Johnnie's or Alex's family or the Bates took care of me."

He looked down at me.

"Everyday I would hope to one day at least meet you. I was a little kid being told that Mommy had to protect Daddy and me from getting hurt, so she had to keep us apart to make sure we were," I mumbled, feeling tears as realization slowly set into my mind. "If anything, I should have tried contacting you.... Its all my fault.... I should have looked for you, but I didn't and now Mom is-"

"Cayden stop," Dad interrupted as a sob made its way out my mouth.

"You can blame yourself for many things, but don't you dare blame yourself for Josefina dying," he said sternly as tears streamed down my face. "That is not your fault."

"But I-I was brave enough, I w-would have tried to call you, said something even if it would have been trouble. My mom would have been alive if I just said something, oh god..!" I sobbed. "And... She died so I wouldn't die! I could have just made sure we were okay but I let her slip away, I'm so sorry!

Dad immediately pulled me into his arms, letting me cry into his chest.

"This isn't your fault, Cayden. She's been like that for as long as I've known her," he said. "Don't carry a weight that isn't yours to bare on your shoulders. You did all you could, loved her enough."

I choked out a cough as I looked up.

"W-Would she hate me now.... If she knew I liked guys?" I mumbled as he wiped my tears.

"Why would she? She was a very accepting woman from what I remember. Hell, she was even bisexual when I met her, you know that?" he said, making my eyes widen.

"Though she mostly went for guys. Nothing is different whether you like guys or girls or neither," Dad said. "You're still Cayden Mora, and I know she died being proud of you, loving you... Happy for you."

[CC's POV]

Cayden calmed down as I held him.

Poor kid... He never should have gone through that, and I'll never forgive myself for not looking harder.

It wasn't long until he stopped crying and pulled back.

"Feel better?" I asked.

He nodded as he wiped his eyes.

"You have no fault in this, Cayden. I'm the parent, the father that should have looked harder and gave up too soon," I said. "No kid is ever at fault with whatever happens to his parents. You took care of your mother, gave her the love and care that she needed, that she deserved, and I assure you that she'll always remember how good you were to her."

He just looked down, and I held his shoulders.

"How about you go rest up upstairs and then we hang out here for a bit, watch some movies or something?" I said.

He sniffled and nodded. "Yeah, that... That sounds good," he smiled.

I smiled back. "Alright," I said, ruffling his hair. "Go get some rest, and Cayden."

I stopped him and he turned.

"I love you," I said.

He gave a small smile before going up and hugging me, and I hugged him back.

"I love you, too, Dad," He said.

We hugged for a while before he headed to his room to rest.

Soon the three of us got together to binge watch some movies and TV shows on Netflix.

I know things were going to be okay with us.

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Hope you're all enjoying the story. Let me know what you think. :)

♡~ sapphire.