Senseless

Chapter Thirty-One

Miley's p.o.v

I felt heat all around my body. Feelings seemed to be surrounding me. My heart began to ache within my chest for a reason I didn't know. I had finally forced my eyes and found that I was laying in my room surrounded by darkness.

What had lead me to this? What had I become?

I had lost my family. I learned to take each day as a new day. I learned to let go of what had happened in the past. I learned that it didn't matter what other people thought about me. I learned how to live on my own because it was just me, myself and I. Oddly, I didn't have a problem with that.

I had people like Lewis in my life and I was grateful for that but it wasn't the same. I still felt like there was a small part of me that would never be able to show to him or anyone. They didn't understand. At least that is what I thought. I was unsure how to describe what was happening to anyone and maybe that we because I didn't understand what was happening to myself.

Jason had seen a small piece of me. I didn't understand him. I couldn't even understand who he was to me. I told myself to stay away from him but things changed.

I saw how they treated him. I saw how he let them treat him. I saw the sadness within him and felt myself connecting to that and then it was uncontrollable. The moment his lips hit mine I was done; I was gone. There were so many things that I let go of. I let my guard down around him and I have no idea why or how that happened.

As soon as I dececied to really give something to whatever relationship that was, he threw me out. I don't know how that happened. How could he just throw me away?

I sat up and looked around the dark room. So much was about to take place this week and I was a mess by the thought. I was going to have to face my father. The person that was suppose to be my first love. The person that was suppose to show me how a man should treat me. As it turns out, he showed me the complete opposite. I didn't know if I should be grateful for that or if I should hate him because of it.

I was slowing starting to become thankful for that relationship. I was thankful that he taught me. He taught me that there are cruel people in this world. He taught me that those cruel people could be someone close to you. He taught me that reality fucking sucks. He taught me that fairytales don't exist.

My life was fucked up. I was fucked up. The one thing that I was forgetting was that I wasn't alone.

"Miley," I heard a soft voice whisper from next to the bed.

"Its Jason." Jason said turning on the lap that was on the stand next to the chair he was sitting in.

"How are you feeling?" He asked standing up and walking closer to the bed.

"I don't know." I said before coughing. My throat was dry.

"Here is some water." Jason gave me a bottle of water that was by the lamp.

I nodded before drinking some of the water.

"Thank you," I said softly.

"Of course," he smiled softly.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You passed out," he said moving the hair out of my face. "It was most likely stress." He chuckled lowly.

"Probably." I sighed.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"How about we go down stairs and get you some food?" He asked standing up from the bed.

"Okay," I nodded before standing up next to him.

"Here," he said gesturing for me to grab his hand.

I did because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to walk by myself. My body was so weak. I was silent but that was mostly because I didn't know what to say around him.

"What are you hungry for?" He asked as we entered the kitchen.

"Miley," I looked up to see Lewis walking towards me. I smiled softly letting him know that I was okay. I could easily tell by his faced that he was worried about me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as he hugged me tightly.

"I am okay," I whispered softly as I hugged him back.

"Are you sure?" He asked stepping back so he could see my face.

"I think so," I shrugged.

"Megan made your favorite. She figured that you would be hungry when you woke up. Sam helped her make it too." Lewis said. I could tell that he was still worried about me.

"Oh," I smiled.

"I will fix you a plate." He said walking over to the food that was sitting on the stove. "Jason, did you want some?"

"Sure," Jason said as he walked to the table to sit down. I soon followed him.

I was emotional exchasted because of my body so I really needed to sit down. I felt like I was so disconnected with my body and I hated that feeling.

"Miley," Megan said as she ran into the kitchen. She ran over to me and hugged me tightly.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. I saw that Sam had followed closely behind her.

"I'm good," I said hugging her back.

"Everyone was so worried about you." She said sitting down in the chair next to me.

"Sorry," I said looking away.

"Don't be sorry." She said rubbing my back. "You just need to be careful and not over work yourself so much." She said. I knew that she was worried about me but I honestly had no clue how to take her advice. My mind was uncontrollable.

"I don't know what happened." I shook my head. Sam sat down in a chair next to Jason and looked at me.

I hated the feeling of having other people worry about me. I guess that was because I have always been by myself. I learned the hard way that the only person you should ever rely on is yourself.

"You need to be careful. You know that there are plenty of people around you that would help you in a heart beat." She pressed. I was not in the mood to have this conversation but I also didn't want to snap at her. Not after all the worry I had put her through.

"Okay," I said with a sigh.

"Here you go," Lewis said placing a plate of pasta in front of me and then Jason.

"Thank you Lewis and thank you Megan." I said smiling at the both of them.

"Of course," Megan said and Lewis just smiled at me.

"I will let you eat and then you need to go get some rest. I love you." Megan said standing up and hugged me before she left the room and, of course, Sam followed her.

They seemed to be getting closer to one another and I wasn't sure if I liked that or not. Megan was one of my closets girlfriends and I still wasn't sure how I felt about Sam. Yeah, she seemed like a nice girl and she was Jason's sister but I could never picture myself friends with her.

I sat in silence as I ate my food. After a while Lewis left so he could get some sleep and it was just Jason and I. I enjoyed the silence because we didn't really need to say anything to one another but I was starting to see that there are so many unanswered questions that I have for him and I am sure he has some for me.

I didn't know what was going to happen between us and I had no idea if I even wanted anything to happen between the two of us. At this point, I couldn't help myself from wondering.

"Miley," Jason said after we had finished eating in silence.

"Yeah," I said without even looking at him.

"Could we talk?" He asked after clearing his throat. He sounded a little nervous. Do I make him nervous?

"Uh, I guess." I said looking at him. He smiled weakly at me before starting.