Senseless

Chapter Thirty-Four

Dear Miley,

It has been over two weeks since I have seen you. It has been the longest two weeks of my life. I have hated every single second of it. I have attempted a new approach and it starts with writing. I don't know if you will read the letters I will send but I am sending them anyways. Though, I do hope you do read them.

I don't even know where I should begin. I don't even know what to say. I love you and that is the one thing that I know for sure.

My anger has become worse over the past few weeks. You wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like the person that I am becoming. You were right about me. I am sane when you are around me. It is hard to think clearly when all I think about is you. You made me a better man and with out you around, I am a fucking mess.

I know that you are probably doing better then I am. At least I hope. As long as one of us survives this that will make me happy, and I am putting all my money on you. I am sure that you having to face your dad was hard but you handled it wonderfully and I am so proud of you. You could be a stripper and I would be proud of you, but I would surely be jealous.

I can't help but miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss your smile, I miss your laugh, and I miss your eyes. Your eyes are the light of my world. Looking at you makes me feel so much better. You make me feel alive and real and I don't think that is a bad thing. I think that is a good thing. I think having you in my life was, and is, a good thing.

Sometimes, I think about what could have happened in the future for us. I will be the first to admit that it wasn't the right time for us, but I still think that we can have a future.

This is hard. It is hard for me to sit hear and write this because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to say anything. I am completely all over the place because that is exactly what is going on in my head.

I'm sorry.

Jason