Senseless

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Dear Miley,

It is becoming harder to sit down and write to you. Hence why I haven't written you in a while, four weeks to be exact. Sometimes I sit down to try and put something on a blank sheet of paper but I come up with nothing. Nothing seems to come out of my head anymore and now I am more messed up than I ever was before.

I would say how this is unfair for you but I don't think you care. I don't even think you read these letters. They probably mean nothing to you. That angers me. It angers me to think that you don't care about me especially when I care so much for you. When I try and think about this from your point of view, it makes sense. I get why you don't write back. Its because there can never be an us again and you don't want to give me false hope that there ever could be an us. I guess that means you are really done with us.

Its not fair. Our situation is not fair. We never even had a fair shot. I know it is mostly my fault and I am okay with taking the blame. I will take whatever you or society try to throw my way.

I think this will be my last letter. Maybe that is why I have had such a hard time writing this. I know the end has come. I know I should stop. I want you to know that I don't blame you for any of this. I understand and I know that I didn't put you in the best of situations. I treated you in an unjust way.

I was so blinded by the fact that despite everything you cared about me. I was blinded because no one has ever looked at me the way you did. I was blinded by the thought of true happiness. You were and are my true happiness. I want to thank you for everything that you have given me. I thank you for the time we did share. I thank you for the kisses you gave me. I thank you for allowing me to hold you. Thank you for everything.

I don't want you to think for a second that I am going to completely throwing us away. I will never throw us away. I will never forget us. I will always want you. I just can't continue to do this. I can't continue to have this hope and be let down again and again. I don't want you to think that it is your fault. I get it. Trust me, I get it. I've just come to the end and I have hit rock bottom.

I will continue to hope that you are okay. I want you to be okay. I will always be here if you ever need anything. I love you.

Yours forever,

Jason McCann

(Shit. is. about. to. go. down.  Miley comes back next chapter. Be prepared. Thats all I am going say. comment and vote. and check out my new story, "The Bodyguard". xo)